Need polite, concise, pop culture-laden answers to your guy problemas? Our Real Live College Guy Joey (not to be confused with our other Real Live College Guy, Joe) will answer any and all questions about relationships and that ever-elusive beast, the male species, with thoughtfulness and (fingers-crossed) humor.
I had been hanging out with my best guy friend’s roommate for a while and even though we were both in relationships and weren’t hooking up, we were acting like a couple and getting kind of physical without cheating on our significant others. However, recently, we both became single at around the same time and ended up hooking up, and I haven’t heard from him since. Because we were friends beforehand, is there any possibility that he wanted more than a hook-up and he’s just busy because it’s midterms week? Or am I just being delusional? – Stunned by the Hobart Statesmen
You’ve put me in a sort of conundrum with this pregunta, my dear SHS. What in the world does “getting kind of physical without cheating” mean? I can only give you some form of an answer if I choose to ignore that little tangent, so here it goes: I don’t think that he only “wanted your body,” as you so elegantly put it. Rather, I think it was more of a time, place and availability type of thing. You two, both in relationships for what I assume was a long period of time, were comfortable around one another—so much so, that when you both broke up with your respective others, it only made sense to rebound with one another. If it’s been a while since that fateful event, I’m afraid to say that he’s probably not looking for anything serious at the moment. Not to say that he isn’t attracted to you. Instead, I’d take it as a compliment. In my humble opinion he sees you as someone he could fall for and is distancing himself in an attempt to avoid that.
Â
So this guy from my town also goes to my school. We hung out a lot over the summer, driving around, going to parties, hanging out, etc. and when we got back to school we did some hanging too. One night we were at a party and ended up dancing together and then went to get some food and it was nice- but like always I just got a hug goodbye. On my birthday he showed up with a present at midnight and we hung around and talked- and I got another hug. I haven’t seen him much since then though- no talking no texting and the one time I saw him he was just… totally uninterested, barely even looked at me. Time to give up? It’s a shame- he is a really awesome, fun, sweet guy and I value him as a friend so…. what the hell? – Over at Oberlin
My best guess is that he picked up on your romantically inclined interest and bailed. I’m sure he thought of you as a good friend, and probably freaked once he realized that hugs weren’t going to suffice. If you think that you will be able to keep this man-beast as a friend without prolonging your suffering, make the first move and suggest he tag along with you and your friends to a party. Don’t flirt; let the friendship get back on course. Sometimes guys may just not see you as more than a friend—and there’s nothing wrong with that. Some of the best romances come from solid friendships; see Leslie and Ben from the UNFORTUNATELY IGNORED SITCOM, “Parks & Recreation” to see just how easy it is to transition from friend to girlfriend (yes, that is my attempt to get the ratings back up) and then back again. Spoiler alert! Regardless, don’t put any pressure on the guy—if it’s meant to be, it will be, you just have to have the patience to wait it out.Â
[pagebreak]
I have a platonic guy friend that has said he loves me, sort of like a brother would, but I’m not totally sure about that.. Do you have any advice for finding out how he feels without asking point blank if he likes me as more than a friend? – Friendly at Framingham State
You Her Campus girls are really getting too talented at posing incredibly confusing questions… Nonetheless, if this dude says that he loves you like a sister, he means it. There’s just no reason that he would say something that intimate unless he meant it. In layman’s terms… He’s Just Not That Into You.
Â
What are some things girls do to try to be flirty that guys hate or find annoying? – Wondering at Wisconsin
Thank you, dear WW, for bringing the horrible memories of my junior high years right back to me. First and foremost is the technique that girls tend to favor the most—mean-spirited treatment of guys they refuse to admit to liking. Why in the WORLD would you be purposefully mean to a guy you like in order to get his attention? Pointless. As for the more irritating, mature techniques employed by feminine wiles? I’d say that preening and boasting are pretty high on the list. Don’t boast of conquests or insist on wearing a full face of makeup to class. More often than not, guys will find this both irritating and amusing—not attractive.