Need polite, concise, pop culture-laden answers to your guy problemas? Our Real Live College Guy Joey (not to be confused with our other Real Live College Guy, Joe) will answer any and all questions about relationships and that ever-elusive beast, the male species, with thoughtfulness and (fingers-crossed) humor.
Â
I have a guy friend here at school. We’ve known each other for a while but just became close this year. He texts me all the time, came to visit me over winter break (spent the night), met my parents, bonded with my brother, stops by my room frequently, we are flirty yet he has never made a move. What is going on here? Is he into me? I have a crush on him but I wish I could tell if he felt the same or if he sees me as just a friend. Help! – Baffled at Bates
My dear unfortunate friend, I believe this to be a case of âdoes heâ or âdoesnât he,â and with that in mindâignoring how obvious that conclusion isâI say to you, does he touch you flirtatiously? Does he compliment certain outfits or hair dos? Do you bicker as only an adorably annoying couple can? If you answered an affirmative to any of the aforementioned questions, itâs safe to assume that this dude is seeking more than friendship. As a naturally flirtatious man-beast myself, itâs hard to toe the line between simply friends-that-flirt, and friends-that-flirt-âcause-they-want-more. As I say with all other questions concerning the âshould I tell him?â question, I implore you to remember that honesty always trumps insecurity. If youâre truly nervous about broaching the topic, make it as light as possible. Try a simple white lie to get the ball rolling, a nice âSo-and-so said we flirt all the timeâŠCrazy, huh??â Itâs entirely likely that your man-friend will feel the same way, and if he doesnât, youâve left more than enough room to joke about it alongside himâinner torment notwithstanding.
How can I attract guys at a keg party? I am one of those girls who is fun but doesnât look like a model. – Flip-cupping at Florida State
Â
The luck is yours then, Florida, because blessedly most women donât look like those airbrushed skeletons that magazines mean for you to aspire to. As far as attracting guys solely at keg partiesâŠIâm a tad confused. I take it to mean you want male attention while at pseudo-archetypal college fiestas. If so, forget that thereâs anyone there you could be interested in. The best advice Iâve ever given someone was that guys really can sense when someone is desperate for a boyfriend or a relationship-of-sorts. Relax! Have fun with your friends and guys should come your way. Donât make yourself too obviously available. Having fun with friends should be your numero uno goal at âkeg parties.â Any benefits you reap from male attention should come secondary. Donât worry about not looking like a âmodel,â and focus instead on having fun. Just by doing that you should gain the attention you desire. Guys arenât interested in girls that seem on the prowl for attention; however, donât expect an immediate crowd of men vying for your attention. The best thing to remember is that once youâre comfortable with yourself, guys will be too.
I’ve been dating a guy for a while and we’ve both never had sex but we make out all the time. What does it mean when he gets on top of me? What should I do? –Â Confused at Colgate
Quite the confusing question you pose, Colgate. To put it plainlyâand a tad profanelyâhis getting on top of you can mean one of two (or both) things. If heâs simply lying on top of you while youâre macking, then he may just prefer being the one doing the controlling. Now, on the other hand, if heâs clearly mimicking the act of sex, then your dude is down to get things moving. Try and see if you notice any rubbing⊠Iâm going to end that train of thought. If heâs mimicking the act of sex, then your guy is ready to take the leap, or at least getting ready. Now your next step, if youâre both new to the act of fornication, is to address this idea with each other. Are you ready to take the plunge? Is he? Keeping in mind the horror of talking about sex rather than initiating the act, itâs probably best to just bring up âthe next phaseâ of your dating. By bringing up the next phase in your pseudo-relationship, the topic of sex should come up naturally.
Ok, so this guy and I had been hanging out since we moved to college in August. And we started dating sometime in November because he wanted to take the relationship slow since he’d been hurt in past relationships. Everything was great and the semester ended and we went home for semester break. When we came back something just wasn’t right, so I asked if everything was ok and he said he wanted to move back to just being friends. Said I’m amazing and that he likes everything about me, but he realized he isn’t ready for a relationship. Now I’m left feeling played and wondering what happened in those three weeks we were apart. What could have changed his mind? –Â Single at Stanford
Â
To be completely frank, I assume that because you did indeed begin seeing one another right awayâeven âunofficiallyââour said man didnât get to experience the whole single-at-college kind of deal. Unfortunately this is totally normal. Most guys come to regret being in a relationship immediately upon their entry at college. I can only assume that this dude went home and realized, either through conversations with friends or through introspective analysis (to be honest, probably the former), that maybe he needed to try being on his own for a while. As sure as a person who doesnât know the both of you can be, Iâm nearly positive that this is what befell your romance. Donât stress about what YOU may have done, focus instead on how he was apprehensive from the start. Who knows? Maybe thisâll end up being good for the both of you. College is supposed to be âthe time of our lives,â and all that jazz, go out and enjoy being a single college coed for a while.
Â