Need polite, concise, pop culture-laden answers to your guy problems? Our Real Live College Guy Joey (not to be confused with our other Real Live College Guy, Joe) will answer any and all questions about relationships and that ever-elusive beast, the male species, with thoughtfulness and (fingers-crossed) humor.
My boyfriend watches porn a lot … a lot. I know that many guys (or most) watch it, but I’m nervous that he enjoys it more than he enjoys spending time with me. What can I do to make him less interested in those bimbos?! – Porn-Wary at UPenn
Dear friend, this can potentially be a problem, but you may be overreacting just a tad. Many guys do watch porn, and, with a few exceptions, they watch it a lot more than their female comrades do. Does this mean it’s an unhealthy thing? Probably not. In case his porn viewing is really as unhealthy as you believe, I’d suggest you find a way to parlay his voyeuristic love into something mutually beneficial. Bypassing any ideas of making your own sex tape (that never turns out well,) why don’t you talk to your guy and suggest he take some of the things he’s learned from watching these movies and try them out with you? There’s no reason to insult him while bringing this idea up—porn is a healthy thing in almost every guy’s (and some girls’) life. Sitting your man-beast down and explaining that you miss interacting with him in a non-virtual plane won’t insult him; if anything, it should remind him that he has a breathing, tangible female available to him. On a side note, if you’re really adventurous, suggest that you two watch some videos together. That way, you have a say in whatever moves you may try and enact yourselves. Cheers to some bedroom adventures headed your way!!
I’ve been seeing this guy—casually—but he won’t commit. The problem is, he thinks it’s fine for him to see other people but expects me to come calling whenever he’s bored! – Unimpressed at UMichigan
Before immediately calling this man-beast a pig (he totally is,) I’m going to reiterate a common theme in this little column of sorts—namely, that we live in the 21st century. You are a strong, independent woman (direct your thanks to Shania) and there is no way that this guy should be allowed to date other people while simultaneously expecting you to be at his beck-and-call. If he wants to play that game, then you should, too. Go on some dates, roll around (safely) in a few beds—make it clear that the power in this relationship-of-sorts is in no way one-sided. You owe it to yourself to have an honest, fair relationship with anyone you allow in your bed. Don’t allow yourself to be put in the position you’re presently in. Be upfront and honest and explain that no, you’re not a 15th century peasant girl pining for her Mr. Darcy. And, the next time he tries to set up a nookie session with you, throw an “I’m too busy” in his face—that should make it pretty clear that you’re not available upon his whim.
I dated this guy for a few months—we’re done now—but the problem is, we have the same group of friends, and he expects me to be cordial and friendly whenever he brings a new girl around. How do I show him that it’s not okay to flaunt these girls in my face?! – Unenthused at Emerson
Before answering, UE, remember that if you want to maintain said dignity, the best thing to do is to pretend you’re above this guy and whomever he may choose to flaunt. By feigning either ignorance or indifference, you’ll become the admirable one in this love match-gone-awry. It’s pointless to become frustrated by his female companions when you two no longer have a relationship. As you two are no longer involved, he really doesn’t owe you much. The best thing to do is to ignore him and his current squeeze. As frustrating as it may be, he’s free to do as he pleases. If it’s truly that bothersome, I’d suggest broadening your friend pool. This does not mean you have to drop your friends, but, if they’re complacent with this guy treating you that way, then find other people you can sometimes hang out with sometimes. It never hurts to venture outside of your friend-zone … Meet people in classes or at parties, and see if you can’t find ways to hang out with different people once in a while. Who knows? You may even meet someone you could flaunt in his face. Happy hunting!