Need polite, concise, pop culture-laden answers to your guy problemas? Our Real Live College Guy Joey (not to be confused with our other Real Live College Guy, Joe will answer any and all questions about relationships and that ever-elusive beast, the male species, with thoughtfulness and (fingers-crossed) humor.
A guy I was dating stopped speaking to me without notice. I want to send him a Facebook message telling him what a jerk he is, but all my friends say that will come across as crazy and desperate. How do I tell him how I feel without seeming like a crazy girl? – Not Crazy at NYU
Unsurprisingly I too have dealt with a situation like this. We broke up amicably enough—or so I thought—until I discovered that she had completely deleted me from her phone, Facebook and Twitter. And as members of the 21st Century, this is SHOCKING. While your friends are somewhat correct, the risk of seeming like a psycho pales when compared to a lack of closure. My advice? Shoot him an email and explain what you had no problem explaining to me—that you don’t want to come across like a psycho, but you think that you deserve some sort of explanation. If he isn’t mature enough to give you an answer, it’s time to move on.
What is the right way and the right time to stop a frat party hookup from turning into us sleeping together? – Classier Than That at Cornell
Besides for the obvious – just flat out saying you aren’t down to take it further than hooking up—I’d rely on the solid, “I have to wake up early tomorrow.” I’ve used this one as recently as this past weekend. There isn’t much more I can say on this one, my friend. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, and unless this dude is a total psycho, he’ll respect that—don’t be too timid to stand up for yourself.
I had been very good friends with a guy until, after a party, we hooked up. We keep avoiding one another, but I don’t want to lose his friendship. How do I bring up that I’m not interested in him without hurting his feelings? – Puzzled at Penn State
If this guy’s friendship is really that important to you, stop avoiding him! That says that you’re both embarrassed that it happened. Which may be the case, but avoiding the issue won’t help to solve the discomfort. Give him a ring or shoot him a text, and make a joke out of it. By saying something that pointedly mocks your drunken actions, you’ll be able to gloss right over the awkwardness. A simple “How do we feel about ignoring that time your tongue was in my mouth?” will suffice. Though, you might be a tad more polite than me.
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I transferred to a different college in a new state and don’t know many people. In my biology lab, there’s a cute guy that I’m interested in. Since we don’t have time to talk/get to know each other, how can I learn a bit more about him without seeming too forward? – Lost in Translation at LSU
I’m going to suggest that you find some way to interact with him within your class. Maybe get there a tad early and sit next to him? Or, find a way to delay your exit until you can time it just right to coincide with his. Save totally stalking him on the Internet, your best bet at getting to know this guy is by finding an opportunity to interact with him in the classroom. You don’t need to ask him out right away, but it’ll help to get to know him beyond his looks. Study dates are always a solid way to gauge someone’s interest. Don’t leap right into romantics; test the water with casual interactions first. See if there’s really something there.
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