Need polite, concise, pop culture-laden answers to your guy problems? Our Real Live College Joey (not to be confused with our other Real Live College Guy, Joe) will answer any and all questions about relationships and that ever-elusive beast, the male species, with thoughtfulness and (fingers-crossed) humor.
I recently started dating a younger guy (he’s a freshman, I’m a senior), and I feel like I keep taking a leadership position, just because I’m more experienced. How can I ‘wear the pants’ in this relationship without emasculating him? –Â Older at Oneonta
Unfortunately, OO, dating a younger man (you cougar, you) means that feeling more mature, or more experienced, is usually par for the course. That doesn’t necessarily mean it can’t be resolved. As his girlfriend, it’s your responsibility to resolve the issue. You need to do things that make him feel more in control. This will allow him to feel more confident and begin to take more control of the relationship. Try asking him for help with something in his skillset: after all, being older doesn’t make you the expert in everything. This will let him feel more powerful and more secure in your relationship.
If you are referring to experience in the bedroom, treat your bedroom romps much the same as you would any other problema. For him to gain confidence in the bedroom — or in any other arena — he has to think that he’s the one making the decisions and leading the way. It’s up to you to guide him toward that decision; you have to let him believe he’s the commanding presence in the bedroom … regardless of whether or not that’s true. Lead him toward actions by saying, “I’d love if you did this…” or other suggestive lead-ins. Don’t tell him, suggest. Hopefully, this will allow him to gain some of his own carnal confidence — thus causing him to take more of a controlling role in and out of the bedroom, if that’s what you want.Â
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