Desperately trying to understand the inscrutable mind of the college male? Real Live College Guy Joel (replete with a name way cooler than those of RLCGs Joe and Joey) is here to help you out, call you out, write you a poem to show you’re great and to stop worrying, etc. From major emotional drama to the minutiae of social interaction, use him as your one-stop shop for guy advice.
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I love my boyfriend and I know he loves me, but he never does anything romantic for me and I kind of wish he would! Nothing crazy, but something once in a while would be nice. How can I communicate this to him without seeming whiny or needy or something? Â
-Wanting Romance at Wisconsin
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Wanting Romance,
You are not whiny and everyone is at least a little bit needy, but I wonder what kind of gesture you are looking for. You write that you know your boyfriend loves you, so he must be doing something to express that he cares about you. Every guy’s way of showing love is different. Some do it through making girls laugh; some do it just by listening. This guy may just not have the personality of the incurable romantic, so realize he’s not lazy or insensitive for not thinking to buy you flowers once in a while. It’s vital that you don’t devalue what he does do for you because of what he doesn’t do for you.Â
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However, at the same time, it’s totally understandable to want some conventional tokens of love. You deserve to feel like you are living in a romantic comedy once in a while, and you are not an insufferable attention-craver who’s unsatisfied at anything short of a unicorn from her boyfriend. What you need is a clear idea of what you want, and the ability to communicate that without being critical. Guys want to make their girlfriends happy; we’re just not smart enough to intuit what precisely you want.Â
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Approach the subject casually and definitely be self-deprecating (maybe even use the rom-com line). Discuss what sort of thing you’re looking for, be it more dinners or more cuddling. Be playful and funny about it, but be honest about how you’re worried you sound silly. My guess is that if this guy likes you he won’t think you’re being silly. Reiterate how happy you are with him. Do not, do NOT, bring up that grand romantic gesture your friend’s boyfriend did for her. As I said earlier, every guy is different, and nothing is crueler than making comparisons. You seem to realize that this is a relatively minor component to your whole relationship, so treat it like that, with affectionate humor. That is the best way to get him to step out of his comfort zone a little more often and do whatever it takes to make you feel special.
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