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Sex + Relationships

Real Live College Guy Joel: Post-Hookup Friending

Desperately trying to understand the inscrutable mind of the college male?  Real Live College Guy Joel (replete with a name way cooler than those of RLCGs Joe and Joey) is here to help you out, call you out, write you a poem to show you’re great and to stop worrying, etc. From major emotional drama to the minutiae of social interaction, use him as your one-stop shop for guy advice.
I hooked up with this guy when we were both pretty drunk, but before the drunkenness we had a fun time and a good conversation.  I’d like to get in contact with him but we never exchanged phone numbers.  Does Facebook friending him seem weird and stalker-ish?  I don’t know the post-hookup Facebook etiquette. – Friendly at Florida State
Friendly at Florida State,
I usually try to open these with some pithy statement but all I could come up with was, “Wow. Awk.”
At this point, if you have not already friended him, I think it would be best if you didn’t. The statute of limitations on Facebook friending random hookups dictates a 36-72 hour grace period. If you friend him immediately he will think you’re a bit overeager. Waiting one or two days is appropriate. After that, if you have not had any other interaction with him, it seems odd to friend him. At this point, a friend request would show you’re still thinking about him after three or more days, despite not having spoken to him at all, and that may make you seem obsessive.
At this point, I personally would find a friend request from you to be mild to moderately creepy, but all guys are different. Most guys aren’t really conscious of Facebook etiquette, but you never know. There’s a remote chance he may be happy to hear from you, but it’s not worth risking him thinking you’re a crazy stalker or, umm, coming back for more. If you really feel like it’s worth friending him, then do notinclude a note. There’s not really an adept way of reintroducing yourself. He’ll know who you are. And probably his face will turn beet red.
Of course, if you actually interact with him again in real life, everything changes. If you are able to reestablish that connection you felt with him that first night, then you absolutely should friend him and resume contact. But if you two haven’t seen each other since, or worse, seen each other without acknowledging it, then you need to move on and forget about the whole experience.

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