Still wondering why that guy stopped calling? The mind of a college guy is a total mystery to most girls. There’s no question guys can behave erratically and illogically, but there are some understandable, nearly universal reasons why he’s giving you the cold shoulder. Each guy has a different set of deal-breakers (among mine: bad grammar), but think of this list as a compilation of cringe-inducing behavior that turns most guys off.
1. Smoking.
This is the #1 girl deal-breaker, and it’s a deal-breaker for guys as well. Smoking is not only extremely perilous to your health, but it’s also just rude. No one wants to smell or breathe that stuff. Plus, you’ll drop your drink or BlackBerry just trying to hold everything.
2. Diet (and discussion of it).
Please, please, please eat something. Coffee is not breakfast. Eat the darn bagel. Even put peanut butter on it. Constant female discussion of food and weight, and a refusal to eat heartily, is both irritating and seriously troubling. Obviously, a guy wants you to take care of yourself, but eating neuroses can display a lack of self-confidence that will turn him off. Of course, eating disorders are one thing, but if you are a perfectly healthy woman who obsesses over how many calories are in everything, guys are going to lose interest. No worthwhile man will dump you just because you gained seven ounces last month.
3. Backbiting.
Guys hate how two-faced girls can be. Don’t sweetly chat with a girl at a party and then mock her dress as she walks away. It’s shallow and dishonest, and it makes the guy wonder what you may be saying about him behind his back. Keep the snark to yourself, especially if it’s about your guy’s friends.
4. Constant Surveillance.
Hourly electronic communication is a staple of any modern relationship, but girls often go overboard in monitoring what guys are up to. Sometimes a guy just needs his space. If he wants to go for a walk by himself, don’t stop him and question his motives. If he wants to watch a football game with his friends, don’t question what flavor of Pringles he is eating. Guys realize that girls constantly ask about their activity because they want intimacy, but if you aren’t careful, the guy may feel as though he’s living under a Soviet regime.
5. Daily Criticism.
“You need to dress nicer.” “You haven’t been studying enough.” “I wish you would stop studying so much and spend more time with me.” “I wish you would signal when you make a right turn.” “You take too long in the bathroom.”
Men do a lot of things wrong, but their feelings get hurt if you constantly point out their minute inadequacies (see: Kate and Jon Gosselin). Female criticism can be both insensitive and inconsistent, so please resist the urge to improve guys.
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6. Loud fashion statements.
Her Campus’ Alice Chen has already explored this accurately and in depth. Let me say that I respect the female autonomy inherent in “Man Repeller” fashion statements. I’d just rather not be seen with the next Lady Gaga. This is not because guys want girls to dress for them; guys just want girls who use clothes to show understated assurance rather than how “with it” they are. Men are private creatures who don’t like too much attention. Plus, a lot of guys just don’t get fashion. Harem pants? Really?
7. Pop culture fixations.
Who is Bethenny Frankel? Someone please explain to me why anyone should care. Men like women who are strong, independent thinkers, so it can be troubling when a girl seems devastated by the JLo-Marc Anthony breakup. Sure, smart women can be just as partial to PBS as they are to The Bachelorette, but when your whole life revolves around Roberto and Ali’s wedding, then we have a problem. Think of reality TV or the latest Perez gossip as the girl version of porn: look at it in the safety of your own home and don’t talk about it to the opposite gender.
8. Daddy’s girls.
This is another crossover from the girl’s list, and this is arguably more of a problem with girls than guys. Almost every guy, even self-styled badasses, live in mortal fear of their parents – especially their moms. Girls, because they’re pretty and (usually) don’t eat worms, are showered with adoration and gifts when they’re little. This leads many collegiettes™ to think they can demand and say whatever they want when they speak to their parents. Your parents may be fine with that, but guys aren’t. If a guy sees you demanding and yelling at your dad to buy you the new iPhone, don’t bother adding the guy to your contact list.
9. Public displays of emotion.
Guy stoicism gets a bad rap. Men value their privacy, and they don’t want to dwell on their personal issues. Okay, maybe guys should be a little more emotionally available, but, at the same time, girls need to filter their mood swings in public. Nothing is more humiliating for a guy than when a girl makes a scene in public. Nobody in the club wants to hear you arguing with your guy about how he hasn’t been paying enough attention to you, etc. Just as awkward is when a girl decides she’s just not going to talk to her guy for the whole evening. Guys want to know if they have done something to bother you; they just don’t want you to express it in an environment where others have to hear about it and feel uncomfortable.
10. Discussion of bodily functions.
Men sometimes get irritable with women and objectify them, but overall, they worship women. They really do. As a part of that, guys like to pretend women don’t have bodily functions. That’s right: as stupid as it sounds, men proudly deny the existence of the menstrual cycle. Everybody knows girls just go to the bathroom to talk to their friends. Please don’t shatter this illusion by talking about your period to a guy you don’t know that well. Women are supposed to be above all that “earthiness” – at least until they get to know a guy better.
Now, ladies, don’t let this list freak you out. The majority of the behaviors listed here often bother both genders, and the ones that don’t can be easily avoided. Use this list of to-don’ts as a guide if you find yourself the only one of your friends without a date. Of course, if you want to defend one of these deal-breakers, discuss in the comments below. Who knows? Maybe I haven’t fully comprehended the sadness of JLo and Marc Anthony’s breakup.
Sources
http://catheelife.blogspot.com/2010_11_01_archive.html
http://blogs.villagevoice.com/dailymusto/2011/07/gossip_gossip_g.php
http://blogs.babble.com/famecrawler/2009/06/08/kate-gosselin-goes-home-t…
http://www.truliablog.com/2009/06/25/trulia-interviews-reid-rosenthal-th…
http://www.magicrelationship.net/blog/mistakes-4-5-of-the-5-relationship…
http://adacompliancereview.com/products/womens-restroom-wo-isa/