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Sex + Relationships

Real Live College Guy: I’m Anxious About Meeting Him in Person

We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Jon is here to help you navigate the college dating scene!

A month or so ago I started talking to a guy over text message who goes to my college. After days of tweeting at each other and Snapchatting, he asked me for my number. We share mutual friends and have been in the same places at the same time (i.e. parties, get-togethers), but we’ve never actually met in person. I’ve never actually seen him and I’m really not sure if he’s seen me either. We text each other 24/7–literally every day since he originally texted me–and the conversation ranges from flirty to deep and serious to humorous and sarcastic. We have great flirting chemistry over text and the conversation flows really well, and I really see potential for us to date. We’ve talked about hanging out, but I’m nervous about meeting him. I have low self-esteem that is easy to conceal over text. I’m worried that when I meet him he’s going to think, “Oh, she’s not as pretty/attractive/funny/cool as I thought,” because I am a little overweight/not-stick thin and a little more shy in person. Could I totally be overthinking this and psyching myself out? I don’t want to be crushed over a crush (not to mention I could be completely mistaken in him liking me). How do I overcome the anxiety of actually meeting him in person? – Not Down with this Weird Twist on Virtual Romance

Not Down with this Weird Twist on Virtual Romance,

You are overthinking it! Both of you are engaging in a good repartee over text. Each of you is sharing details and by partaking in deeper conversation, you are demonstrating a great deal of trust. The texting exchange is not sporadic and appears mutually appealing to both parties. That’s as good as it gets when it comes to texting–better than most.

Forget about caring what he thinks because it honestly doesn’t matter. A good man will never go on a date and judge you. When you go out, he will look at you as an individual, someone who is different than any of the other almost four billion females in the world, and he will know that he will never find another version of you again.

Everything you seem worried about is a comparison of yourself to a perceived societal norm. Well I have NEVER met a man who wanted a perfectly “normal” woman. What makes us who we are is what makes us different. These differences are what attract us to each other.

If for some reason he is a superficial boy who never grew up, don’t worry, I am sure he will find a nice superficial girl one day and they will both drive each other insane and never be happy.

Embrace how no one else in the world is the same awesome person you are and meet this guy. I am not guaranteeing you will fall in love with him or him with you, but I guarantee it’s worth a shot. Go into it with a relaxed attitude as best you can. Show him who you are but don’t worry about trying to be someone you’re not. I always take an opportunity to meet with someone I might connect with because you never know if they are the one. Your situation sounds like the perfect time to do just that! 

Best of luck,


Jon is currently a senior at the University of Rhode Island double majoring in physics and biology with an intent of going to medical school.  He also spent two semesters at in exchange program at California Polytechnic University. Growing up in Rhode Island he loves being on the water and the bay is his second home. Spearfishing and freediving are two of his favorite hobbies.   Follow him @RIBORNRIBRED on Instagram. 
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