We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Jon is here to help you navigate the college dating scene!
There’s this guy I like. We are dating but I know he’s not the one and that he still needs to mature. I like him a lot and I just don’t have the guts to end it, because he started out as my best friend. How do I do it? – Confused Cassie
Confused Cassie,
You should end it as soon as possible if you are sure you have no future together. Since you’re dating, he is probably unaware that you feel the relationship is no longer worth pursuing. It is unfair for him not to know. As the only other person invested in your relationship, he needs to know how you truly feel. The longer you wait, the more hurt he may be. Since you’re friends, you have even more of an obligation to tell him, regardless of how difficult it may seem.
Be sure of yourself. By breaking it off, you are going to lose your chance of dating him in the future. I only say this because if you stay friends, he will have to get over any non-platonic feelings he has for you. While this is natural, understand that you may have to witness him progress into a more mature man, and you will not be able to rekindle what you had. I am not sure how you feel he has to grow up, but make sure it’s not an empty reason.
With that being said and knowing he is not what you are looking for, just tell him how you feel. Try to stay friends if you want, but understand that your friendship may not revert back to what you had before. Your previous friendship makes the conversation appear difficult and risky. In reality, the risk of losing the friendship was assumed equally by both of you when you started dating. You’re ending it—and the immediate effect of this decision should be no surprise to you, nor will it be your fault in any way. Simply say you no longer want to be more than friends. Expect questions in return and be understanding that he most likely will be emotional. Be nice, tell the truth and you will both be fine.
-Jon