Tired of having to sort out the “nice guys” from the “bad boys”? Want to move up from one-night stand to full-time girlfriend, but unsure of how to do so? Stop worrying, because Real Live College Guy Dale is finally here to help with all of your collegiette love kerfuffles and help steer you clear of any unnecessary drama during your brief but ever-important time in college.
There’s this guy that I like who seems to always invite me to hang out, but we never actually end up hanging out. He’ll text and Snapchat me all weekend long, and show up Monday like nothing really happened. What does this mean? ––Puzzled at Pomona
Puzzled,
I feel as though this guy might be suffering a common case of the “first date frights,” which is more common than you might think.
Generally, guys are the ones who are supposed to make the first move in relationships, which is a lot more pressure on us than it seems. When we go up to talk to a girl, dozens of things go through our minds. First, we know that we’re probably not the first guy to approach you, and we know that we’re probably not the only guy you’re talking to. We have to come up with a clever opening, and then we have to try and keep conversation going. At the same time, we can’t seem too eager to talk to you, because that comes off as desperate or weird. If things go well, the thought of actually going out and dating you will most likely come to mind… and that’s opening up a whole different can of awkward worms.
To bypass this shyness and these fears, we’ll talk to you virtually. Text and Facebook conversations go brilliantly, and we’ll even snap you a stupid picture or two every now and then (some guys will snap you other things… heed my advice and don’t date them). We’ll form virtual connections without actually connecting with you in person, because sometimes that’s easier than having to face rejection.
You might be thinking, “But I like him—why is he scared?”
Puzzled, he may not even know that you like him. It’s not rare for a man to be totally oblivious to women’s signals (you all tend to have hundreds of signals for a handful of emotions, after all). Other times men might not want to confuse friendliness with flirtation, which also happens more often than you might know.
He might actually want you to make the first move. Frankly, I’m all for that idea. Our generation seems to be all about gender equality, but in heterosexual relationships men are still expected to make the first move. Like I said earlier, that’s a lot of stress! I would be amazed if a girl took a chance and came up and initiated conversation or asked me out first. It’s a rarity, and I think most people would welcome such a change. His texting and snapchatting you might be him hinting that he wants you to extend an offer to hang out or go out.
Even if it isn’t, though, and he’s just a little scared to ask you out, go ahead and make the first move! Make his day––take some of the weight off of his shoulders.