Tired of having to sort out the “nice guys” from the “bad boys”? Want to move up from one-night stand to full-time girlfriend, but unsure of how to do so? Stop worrying, because Real Live College Guy Dale is finally here to help with all of your collegiette love kerfuffles and help steer you clear of any unnecessary drama during your brief but ever-important time in college.
I participate in my school’s NROTC program with the aspiration to join the U.S. Marine Corps. Outside of my budding military career, I do find time to party. I am a playful prankster and a flirt, and not even shy about making the first move. Even so, I rarely click with guys — my only “serious” relationship ended after five excruciatingly dull months. Being drawn to the military, I am very disciplined, strong-willed and ready to take charge. As per requirements, I have a high GPA. Does a soldier’s mindset turn into a turnoff for guys? Are they freaked out about dating a military woman? –USMC at UPenn
USMC,
The only reason a guy would date a girl he considers “dumb” is to show dominance over her. Other than that, I see no reason for a man to be turned off by an intelligent, strong-willed woman.
I live in an area with a lot of military bases, so I’ve come across a lot of military and people who––like you––plan on going into the armed forces. I don’t think I’ve ever come across a guy who was looking for a weak-minded, dependent woman (not if he was looking for a serious or long-term relationship, at least). If anything, I’ve seen the military bring more people together than I have tear them apart.
From what you’ve described, you sound like a great catch. You enjoy having fun and you’re not afraid of making moves, but you’re also intelligent and disciplined. So why was your last relationship excruciatingly dull?
I think it boils down to compatibility. College is a true melting pot. It’s a step up from high school (most of the time), but it isn’t quite the “real world.” There are still cliques, people are still in different mindsets and it makes for an interesting life. While I’m not 100 percent sure of what you’re looking for in a man, I feel as though you aren’t looking for someone who isn’t like you; I don’t believe you’re looking for a weak-minded man who is less intelligent than yourself.
I think you’re looking for (and if you aren’t, here’s what you should consider looking for) someone who can match you, someone who might give you some competition in life. Whether it’s in academia or physical strength or conversation, I think the only way you’ll find yourself in a not-dull relationship is if you look for your equal. Perhaps if you find yourself not clicking with someone, it’s because you aren’t looking in the right place.
So where should you look? It’s college, USMC: a melting pot. Useful places to look might be your college’s gym, or if you’re looking for someone who matches you in intelligence, you might try a local coffee shop or bookstore. I think the question here is not where should you look, but where you shouldn’t look. Bars may not be your best idea, nor do I think hooking up with one of your fellow NROTC members is a good idea (I’m sure your school has rules about that).
I’ll end this on what I hope to be an inspiring note, though. Another idea is simply not searching for someone at all, and instead let men search for you. I frequently lose things throughout my day, and when I’m looking for them I can never seem to find them––but when I move on and forget about them, they tend to show up in the most obvious of places.