Tired of having to sort out the “nice guys” from the “bad boys”? Want to move up from one-night stand to full-time girlfriend, but unsure of how to do so? Stop worrying, because Real Live College Guy Dale is finally here to help with all of your collegiette love kerfuffles and help steer you clear of any unnecessary drama during your brief but ever-important time in college.
I have a tendency to become a jokester around guys. I think this is a way to make them realize I’m down-to-earth and not a high maintenance girl. This is my real personality, and I’m glad that it makes guys feel more comfortable around me. The thing is, I feel like it makes me become “one of the guys.” I do have a serious side to me, I just don’t like to be (again) what could be considered high maintenance or uptight around guys. How can I maintain my “bro” mentality but still make guys see my feminine side, so they see me as more than just a buddy? – One of the Boys at BU
One of the Boys,
You said it yourself: “this is my real personality.” So why are you so keen on wanting to be different to get guys to see you in a more romantic light? That’s a recipe for disaster, One of the Boys. Very plainly put, I don’t believe in having to change aspects of yourself (your personality, your clothing, your style) to get people to like you. That’s setting yourself up for failure before you even begin.
Let’s say you do start to change things up. For example, you wear dresses instead of sweatpants, and you start wearing lipstick all the time—effectively, you become a different person than what your friends are used to, and at the same time, you aren’t yourself. You become a façade. So what happens when, hypothetically, you get into a relationship with one of these guys? Repressing your “bro side” is eventually going to get tiring—you can’t fake it forever. What happens when he realizes you aren’t the girl he thought you were?
You shouldn’t have to change yourself to be seen as more than one of the guys. If that’s your concern, I’d suggest looking for relationships outside of your group of friends, or even outside of your current circle of guys. Instead of dating someone you know or have known, step outside your realm of comfort and date someone unknown (that is, after all, an excellent way to build relationships). I think this will aid your situation by introducing you to someone new—someone who might love a girl with a tomboy mentality.
If, however, you’re set on being seen as more than a friend to one or more of these guys in particular, be flirty to get his attention. First, try smiling a little more. Maybe you already smile a lot, but make an attempt at eye contact while doing so (don’t hold it for too long, though; it could get creepy). Second, be a little flirty—a slight change in tone and a laugh every now and then might be all the push a guy needs to fall head over heels. Laugh loudly or bite your lip while thinking—both are cute quirks that I personally find incredibly attractive.
My suggestion, One of the Boys? Hang on to that ability to be one of the guys. I know a lot of guys who would love to hang out with a girl who doesn’t take two hours to do her makeup or who participates in public burping contests (I mean, I’d be thrilled to meet a girl who could have a burp contest with me while wearing a yellow taffeta sundress, ya’ know?).
The fact is your guy friends might just like you as a friend because you’re a cool friend, and you can’t make them fall in love with you just because you change a few things. At the same time, do you really want to have to change who you are as a person just to get someone to like you as more than a friend? Is that really fair to you?