Tired of having to sort out the “nice guys” from the “bad boys”? Want to move up from one-night stand to full-time girlfriend, but unsure of how to do so? Stop worrying, because Real Live College Guy Dale is finally here to help with all of your collegiette love kerfuffles and help steer you clear of any unnecessary drama during your brief but ever-important time in college.
So I totally fell for my closest guy friend. I’m practically in love with him, and no matter how hard I try to avoid him, it’s impossible simply because we have all the same classes, we’re on the same sports team and we see each other 24/7. Not to mention we have the same circle of friends, so we’re constantly hanging out with each other. We’ve gone through the hook-ups and the pals with perks stage, and now all I really want is just to call him mine. Sometimes I think he wants the same thing, then other times it’s just like, “Whaaat?!”
Since we’re super close, we find it really easy to talk to each other. Also, whenever we leave each other for the night or separate or walk away from each other, we can’t do so without saying “I love you” to each other, and this is what is really confusing to me. Why does he act like such a sweet guy to me and acts like he wants to be with me 100 percent on some days, but then other days he just treats me like a booty call? ––Friend-zoned in Florida
Friend-zoned,
Radical idea here, but have you tried actually telling him how you feel?
Easier said than done, sure, but I find that honesty is the best route for these kinds of things.
Let’s go ahead and look at the different parts that make up this somewhat confusing machine…
First, you two have gone through hooking up and being friends with benefits. Needless to say, you’ve got the physical down pat. Second, you’re constantly hanging out with each other. Third, you can’t leave each other without saying “I love you.” Finally, you even admitted that you just want to call him yours. You two are practically a couple already; you’re just missing a few dates and awkward first kisses! But that’s a good thing. I think that’ll save you some time if you really want to be with him.
So now we have to figure out why he’s such a sweet guy sometimes and not so sweet other times. Personally, I think he might be a little scared. It seems entirely possible––probable, even––that he would want to finally put a label on your relationship, but he might be having trouble figuring out how to do so. It’s more common of a problem than you might think.
I don’t think you’re friend-zoned. I think you’re basically in a relationship with this guy already, it’s just that neither one of you has really confronted that fact. In a relationship that is as developed as yours (even though yours might be somewhat stunted by friendship), sex and sharing friends and seeing each other frequently is common! This all adds to the theory that you two are already in a monogamous relationship, you simply haven’t labeled it yet.
So if you want to define your relationship, do so. Tell him what you’re thinking and find out if he’s thinking the same thing.