We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.
How do I get my boyfriend to appreciate me? I cook for him, clean up after him and do so many other things for him, but he very rarely says “thank you” and continuously asks me to do more. – Feeling Unappreciated at Furman
From my point of view, you’ve got one way of handling this situation:
Just stop doing things for him. Let the dishes pile up and the dust accumulate. Don’t take the trash out, don’t do his laundry and don’t even bother cooking dinner for anyone but yourself. He will eventually take notice and he will eventually say something. When he brings up how dirty everything is, just lay it out for him: You got tired of working so hard and receiving no appreciation. Tell him you feel unappreciated because you do all these things and he can’t even be bothered to say “thank you.”
Basically, you just communicate your issues. While I feel like I should tell you not to launch a verbal assault (because if he feels attacked then the issue’s going to blow up into a huge argument), I think you do need to be straight with him. Don’t let him jerk your around by saying stuff like, “Oh, I thought you liked doing it!” He won’t learn unless you really spell things out for him. You need to put your foot down.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Guys aren’t mind readers. We kind of know when something’s wrong, but we can’t always pinpoint what it is. Your boyfriend may very well think that you just enjoy cleaning up after him (as idiotic as his assumption might seem). If you don’t tell him how you’re feeling, he won’t know. If he never finds out, nothing is ever going to change, and you’re going to get stuck with always cleaning up after him.