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Sex + Relationships

Real Live College Guy Dale: Is He With Me Because I’m Like His Ex?

We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.

I recently met a guy. We talked every day and went out on our first date a week after meeting. After the date, we continued to talk, as the feelings were mutual. I mentioned him to a friend and she “stalked” him on Facebook, where we found an old picture of him and his ex-girlfriend, whom he has been broken up with for over eight months. After we did further “research,” we saw that she and I had a lot of similarities. We both like the same music, like reading, like museums (where he took me on our first date), etc. I’m now worried that he is just looking for his ex-girlfriend in a new girl. Does it seem like he’s not into me as a person, I just remind him of his ex? –Similar at Simmons


I think that while it’s certainly possible that he might be into you because you remind him of his ex, you may be looking too far into this situation. We all look for certain things in prospective partners, and while we might be told that everyone is unique, the truth of the matter is that millions of people have similar interests. A lot of people enjoy the same music, reading and museums. I mean, hey, I took my ex to a museum for our first date!

I don’t want to say you’re being paranoid, but to me, it seems like you’re taking small similarities and making mountains out of molehills. If the two of you had bigger similarities (hair, style, job, etc.), then maybe I’d tell you to be concerned.

Until then, I’ll say this: cyber-stalking someone you like rarely helps because it doesn’t give you the full story. You’re seeing pictures of a past relationship, but you’re not hearing the history behind it. You’re filling in the gaps with your own imagination, and that’s sabotaging this relationship by showing you possibilities instead of realities.

According to you, the two of them were apart for over eight months before he and you started going out. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Just because you and his ex share minor similarities doesn’t automatically mean he’s seeking a carbon copy of her and that you happen to be the rebound

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Dale Lavine is a 21-year-old college junior majoring in Media Studies & Political Science at Old Dominion University in Norfolk, VA. Outside of Her Campus, his words have been featured in publications such as USA Today College, Esquire, Fearless Men, CoolAppsMan.com, and The Commonwealth Times. When not penning his weekly columns, he enjoys hot showers, naps, Starbucks, and Jameson (neat). Want to know more? Need real-time relationship help? Readers are more than welcome to follow Dale on Twitter (@misterlavine).
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