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Sex + Relationships

Real Live College Guy Answers Your Love Life Questions: Things to NEVER Tell a Guy, and “Taking a Break”

Got a burning love life q? Consult our Real Live College Guy (he also goes by Chase). Each month, our RLCG will take you inside the college guy’s brain to demystify your tricky, sticky, icky love (can you even call it that?) situations.

1. What are some topics you should NEVER bring up with a guy? -My Lips Are Sealed at Missouri

Oh there are so many things I should tell you. I am going to make a top 5 in no particular order.

1) Sports. Don’t fake talk about sports unless you actually know about sports. Don’t think you’re impressive because you can name 3 basketball players. Don’t ever tell a guy you like a team because of their colors, and please don’t say he’s your favorite player because he’s cute.  I will literally throw up the next time I hear that. Truthfully, unless it’s Tiger Woods and the stories appear in People as much as Sports Illustrated we don’t want to talk about it with you.

2) Sex Quantity/Quality. Don’t ask who’s the best girl we’ve ever had in bed. Seriously? At least I’m always honest and you will likely set yourself up for disappointment (if not a big lie). Also, don’t ask how many times we’ve been with a girl. There will come a point in a long-term relationship where we can talk about how many different guys or girls, but we don’t want to know your absolute quantity, so don’t ask ours.

3) Other Sex Partners. Please stop telling me I am not the only guy you’ve done XXX to. Guys visualize fabricated thoughts, a lot. Every time you are doing the XXX to us, we will think of the other person and occasionally when we are walking home alone after a fight we will also think of you doing XXX to mystery man. Thus, ruining a perfectly good experience or evening for everyone. For all we are concerned, unless we ask, (which we won’t) don’t tell us.

4) Boring Talk.  Save the boring stuff for your lady friends—pets, makeup, Susie’s ex-boyfriend, or two distant people’s engagement. We don’t care.  For some reason girls think it’s ok to bore guys with tales they obviously know will be uninteresting. Guys will put up with it only because they want some. Spare us the effort. As told by my close friend Michael Ingram, “Look, I won't tell you about how awesome it was when I sniped that Spartan in Halo 3 while in the man cannon on Valhalla to win the slayer match 25 to 24.  So I really don't need to know the intimate details of your expedition to find that perfect pair of strapless black Steve Madden Toppazz.”

5) Late. The next time you are 15 minutes late for your lady cycles, throw your cell phone in the toilet. While you may not realize this, we don’t have any idea that it’s NORMAL for periods to be late. So when you call us saying that you’re probably pregnant…. shame on you. While days of crying, fighting, and emotional stress are always a fun time, avoid ruining a good week unless you are sure, please.

2. My guy and I talked and agreed to "see how it goes" over the summer, since we'll be in different cities.  We're not taking a break, but we're also not completely staying together.  But I want him to still be mine come the fall.  How should I act over the summer so that he wants me to be his again, without being too clingy but also without letting us drift too much apart?  How do I know how much to call/text him?  And what about hooking up with other people?  Or visiting each other?  I don't know what to do... I never thought I'd be saying I wish it wasn't summer yet! -Simmons Summer Bummer

Keep Him Interested. Initiate an email or a text as soon as you get home. Then play the Receive, Wait, Respond (RWR) game. If he takes 10 minutes to respond to your text, you should take 9 minutes to respond back. If he takes a week, you should wait 6 days. Let him control the pace of communication, but give him the opportunity and the confidence by asking questions about his life or remind him that you’re thinking of him. Even make something up. A girl once made up running into Bradley Cooper (my favorite actor) in an airport just to keep me interested—it worked.

Back Off.Try not to get in the way of his plans, or insist on talking every night before bed. Again, let him control the pace of communication. You want him to feel like he has the space to be himself. It’s important that you are there for him though. If he comes home one night and calls to say goodnight, there is nothing more shattering than your voicemail. Yet, if he doesn’t pick up for you, don’t get angry, but be understanding and excited to find out what he’s been up to. I realize it’s a double standard, but you asked how to truthfully keep him around. Guys love the freedom to do what they want, knowing that there is someone special still there for them.

Be Good. Don’t hook up with other guys, don’t play games with his head, don’t irrationally get angry, and don’t make up dumb fights because relationships from a distance get boring. Do you want him with other girls? Probably not. So don’t go chasing some ex-boyfriend just because you think it’s “acceptable” under some awkward relationship terms. If you really want him back in the fall, be a good girl.

Plan a Trip. Before the term ends, plan to see him mid-summer. It will keep the energy alive for much longer with both the pre-trip anticipation and the post-trip vivacity (no just the sex element). Likely, he will even reciprocate and come visit you. If of course you don’t want to see him this summer—don’t. It probably wasn’t going to work out anyways.

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