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Sex + Relationships

Real Live College Guy Andy: I Want A Relationship, Not Another Hook-Up

A new RLCG? No way! That’s right, we’re breaking new ground at Her Campus and adding some new flavor to the group. Andy joins the team with an innate aptitude for sorting out the good guys from the bad apples and bringing you the best in love advice.

After four years of hooking up with a series of random guys at high school and a year of hooking up at college, I’m ready for a real relationship. The only problem is that I don’t know how to give off the “I want a relationship” vibe, because I seem to only know how to either hook up or make friends with guys. Is there any sort of sign that guys take as “I want a relationship”? How can I let them know that I just want a boyfriend? Is there a middle ground between hooking up and “I want to be friends” vibes? -Confused at Conn College


I’m not quite sure why any of the guys you have hooked up with didn’t end up as something more. Maybe they weren’t looking for anything serious but maybe they wanted something too. This is where communication comes in handy.

Have you ever just said the words “I’m looking for a boyfriend” to a crush, hook-up, or friend? Because in general guys are terrible at reading and knowing how to react to these so-called “vibes” so they appreciate it when girls are straightforward.

Good communication is quintessential to any strong relationship. Yet too many times couples will assume things without actually talking to each other. And we all know what happens when we assume, right? You make an A** out of U and ME. So instead of trying to slyly show a guy what you want, just tell him! If a guy is also interested in a relationship, you won’t be scaring him off by telling him that you want one. He will appreciate you taking out the guess work for him. Put it this way, if I had a great first night out with a girl (a great conversation, we had things in common, etc.) and we proceeded to hook up that night, I would probably think she’s not interested in a relationship. That said, if afterwards she said, “I’m looking for a boyfriend” then my response would be, “Great, I’m looking for a girlfriend, maybe we can go out on some dates?”

Also as I wrote in my previous column I’m an advocate of friends first. Now of course you don’t want to “lose” any guy friend by dating them (and breaking up) but if there are any friends you could see yourself liking in a romantic way then go for it! Proceed cautiously but test the waters with increased flirting and see what is there. Trust me when I say that guys look towards their platonic gal friends as potential girlfriends much more than girls do with their guy friends for boyfriends. If you like a friend and think you are his type, it might just be a perfect match!

Good luck!

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Andrew Bensch

San Francisco

Andrew is a rising senior at San Francisco State University majoring in broadcast journalism. While he hopes to some day work in the sports media industry, becoming a professional columnist for a women's magazine is also on his radar. While in college Andrew has contributed sports columns to such sites like Foxsports.com, Insidehockey.com, and Bleacherreport.com. But don't be fooled, he isn't just your typical jock, after all he is willing to admit he actually loves chick flicks like "27 Dresses" "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton" and "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days". He also enjoys shows like "The OC", "One Tree Hill", "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" and "Teen Wolf" and wonders aloud why more college men don't open up about their love for these types of programs.
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