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Wellness > Sex + Relationships

Real Live College Guy Andy: The Guy I’m Dating Never Texts Me First

Do you ever find yourself shrugging your shoulders and settling on the “boys will be boys” conclusion? Real Live College Guy Andy is here to show you that mature men do (in fact) exist. He has an uncanny ability to sort out the good guys from the bad apples and is here to bring you the best in college love advice.

I’ve been exclusive with a guy for about a month. I’ve mentioned that I want to hang out more and he seems to be making an effort, but he never, ever, ever texts me. Ever. I always text first, I always make plans (unless it’s a late Saturday night plan). He says he doesn’t text me because he “forgets” or “is busy.”  Am I stupid for giving him the benefit of the doubt? – Confused at Claremont McKenna


For self-admitted hopeless romantics like myself and fellow Real Live College Guy Pat Bradley,  these types of questions can be some of the most difficult to answer.

Along with writing for Her Campus Nationals, both of us are active members of the respective HC chapters at our schools. We love girls and we love working with them, so when we get questions about why boyfriends are acting MIA, it’s tough. Since we are in the communications business, we despise their lack of communicating just as much as you do.

Now to put it bluntly, yes, I think in this case you are being “stupid” for giving him the benefit of the doubt. 

Personally, I’m not one to give bad communicators any excuse. Those “I was busy” or “I forgot” reasons for not texting are complete and total hogwash. It’s not difficult to text first. Call me old-fashioned, but the boyfriend should be setting up dates at least once every weekend. So yes, your boyfriend should be doing a better job seeking you out. He should want to text you. He should want to hang out with you every day. So failing to initiate conversation at least a few times a week with you is a major relationship error. It’s not difficult to pick up the phone before you go to bed to chat for a few minutes. It’s unfair to you!

Simply put, communicating frequently and doing so honestly are two crucial parts of making a relationship work. And this boyfriend of yours is failing miserably at both.

Plus to make matters worse it sounds as if making plans with him is like pulling teeth. Unless we are talking about long distance, neither party in a relationship should ever be bothered about the lack of face time with each other.

It sounds to me like this boyfriend of yours is treating you like nothing but a booty call. There is little more you can do with this guy. There is no magic switch you can flip to get him to be a better communicator. It’s time to find someone better. I would instead find someone who will gladly send you a good morning text. There are guys out there who will do that.

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Andrew Bensch

San Francisco

Andrew is a rising senior at San Francisco State University majoring in broadcast journalism. While he hopes to some day work in the sports media industry, becoming a professional columnist for a women's magazine is also on his radar. While in college Andrew has contributed sports columns to such sites like Foxsports.com, Insidehockey.com, and Bleacherreport.com. But don't be fooled, he isn't just your typical jock, after all he is willing to admit he actually loves chick flicks like "27 Dresses" "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton" and "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days". He also enjoys shows like "The OC", "One Tree Hill", "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" and "Teen Wolf" and wonders aloud why more college men don't open up about their love for these types of programs.