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Sex + Relationships

Real Live College Guy Andy: The Guy I Like Acts Like A Boyfriend But He Won’t Commit, What’s His Deal?

Do you ever find yourself shrugging your shoulders and settling on the “boys will be boys” conclusion? Real Live College Guy Andy is here to show you that mature men do (in fact) exist. He has an uncanny ability to sort out the good guys from the bad apples and is here to bring you the best in college love advice.

So I’ve known this guy for 4 months now. We met and had a one night stand which I know basically means we won’t ever be anything, but then we talked every day for a really long time then all of a sudden nothing. We didn’t talk much for a few weeks, but now we’ve been hooking up every week. And even though it’s always when we’re drunk, I’ve developed legitimate feelings for him, and I’m sure he knows because he warns me that I’ll just get hurt. I know some of it’s just pillow talk but we do talk a lot afterwards and in the mornings, and he hasn’t hooked up with anyone else since we started to hook up consistently. I know thinking that he might have feelings for me seems out of the question because it sounds like “just sex”, but there are times that I just stay the night, and he just wants to cuddle and talk…what’s his deal?! Is he just afraid of commitment because he’s graduating this year, and I still have 2 1/2 years left? – So Confused at Syracuse

Confused,

In this guy’s head, you are simply just another girl, one of many in the college sea. I hate to say it, but it’s true. If he was genuinely interested in you, he wouldn’t hook up only when drunk and otherwise ignore you. These are classic signs he just wants to get it in.

I wish guys weren’t as comfortable having casual sex without feelings but tons of men can do it very easily. Like I’ve told other girls in past responses, some guys want the relationship experience without the relationship.

In fact, a lot of college guys want that feeling of being close to a girl but not being tied down. It is a combination of wanting what we may have had with our high school sweethearts and wanting to live up our college experience.  

When I was an underclassman in college, I was very much like this guy. I wanted to have a girlfriend… but at the same time I didn’t. I was caught up in the idea of college hook-up culture from watching the American Pie movies.

Now, this guy is graduating so he should be more mature than he was two or three years ago. Unfortunately a lot of guys don’t look to settle down into a relationship until they’re closer to their late 20s. So I think you hit the nail on the head, he probably realizes that you two are in different situations and doesn’t want to complicate things.

It’s tough but you probably should move on.

Fill out my online form.

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Andrew Bensch

San Francisco

Andrew is a rising senior at San Francisco State University majoring in broadcast journalism. While he hopes to some day work in the sports media industry, becoming a professional columnist for a women's magazine is also on his radar. While in college Andrew has contributed sports columns to such sites like Foxsports.com, Insidehockey.com, and Bleacherreport.com. But don't be fooled, he isn't just your typical jock, after all he is willing to admit he actually loves chick flicks like "27 Dresses" "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton" and "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days". He also enjoys shows like "The OC", "One Tree Hill", "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" and "Teen Wolf" and wonders aloud why more college men don't open up about their love for these types of programs.
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