Ever wanted to get inside a girl’s mind? Want to know whether all girls are crazy, or if you just don’t quite understand them (hint: it’s the 2nd one…)? Luckily, Real Live College Girl Cassidy is here to answer all your questions about women and relationships, with poise, charisma, and a little bit of humor. And don’t worry, she won’t judge you on your questions… unless you seem cute. Girls—pass this onto your guy friends and boyfriends, stat!
What is the most important quality a girl looks for in a guy if she wants a long-lasting relationship?
– SMU Softie
“this smart guy gets all the girls in his Kindergarten class”
Dear Softie,
This is a great question to ask because, yes, girls looking for a long-lasting relationship look for different qualities in a guy than girls looking for just a hook-up buddy. Unfortunately, not all girls look for the same qualities, but I surveyed as many girls as I could to come up with the Top 5 Most Desirable Qualities in a Long-Term Boyfriend:
- Smart. If a girl is looking for someone to have a real relationship with, she doesn’t want to hear about how you cheated on your finals or how you might fail one of your classes. She would rather hear about the A you got on your final paper, and the cool project you’re working on for your extracurricular. Girls want a smart guy because smart means that you won’t become a deadbeat college graduate with no job… No girl wants to date that guy. Smart guys are also, in general, more in tune with girls’ needs because they’re smart enough to notice what a girl likes and dislikes. So, if a girl sees that you’re smart, she’ll have more faith that you will treat her well and do what she likes!
- Funny. Yep, you’ve heard it before, and it’s true – girls like guys who can make them laugh. If a girl is laughing, it means she’s also smiling. If she’s smiling, she’s probably happy, and who doesn’t want to be happy in a relationship? Being funny also makes you a good candidate for a girl to show off to her friends because you can joke around with them instead of being boring and serious.
- Ambitious. This one goes along with what I said about girls not wanting to date anyone who’s going to be a failure after graduation. Girls want an ambitious guy who has big dreams and expectations for himself and will do whatever it takes to achieve them. You don’t have to have your whole life planned out, but as long as you have big goals, you’ll earn some bonus points in the girl department.
- Adventurous. Adventurous basically means “not boring.” You don’t have to take a girl hiking or go on a camping trip, but girls still want their boyfriends to be adventurous and spontaneous. Don’t take her on the same date to the same restaurant all the time—instead, try new, adventurous activities together. Trying things together that neither of you have done can bring you a lot closer because you are sharing something that you’ll probably remember for a long time—and she’ll think it’s romantic that you want to share that with her!
- Health-conscious. Being athletic doesn’t mean you have to go to the gym every day or have a perfectly defined six-pack. But, girls want to know that the attractive guy they’re with right now isn’t going anywhere—whether you date for one year or 20 years. Girls don’t like to admit it, but they do sometimes daydream and think about the future, and they probably want you to be in it (and looking good)! They want to know that you’re not going to have a heart attack or anything else bad happen to you because you don’t exercise. So, put on those running shoes, and go work out for your woman!
Of course, there are also a couple of long-term boyfriend qualities that go without saying, such as trustworthiness and thoughtfulness.
So there you have it, Softie! If you have all five of those qualities, you should have a girlfriend in no time! Just try to limit yourself to having one girlfriend at a time, okay?
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I’ve been in a relationship for a little over 14 months now, and I’m about to move across the country to finish school. My girlfriend will be in Boston and I’ll be on the West Coast. How do I make it work 3,000 miles apart, and what do I do?
– Boston
Dear Boston,
First of all, I’m glad you’re admitting and coming to terms with the fact that it is going to be hard to be across the country from your girlfriend. Understanding that is the first step to a successful long-distance relationship because it means you’re going into it knowing that you’re going to have to work hard to make it last.
The main thing you two are going to have to work hard at is making each other know that you are thinking about each other—a lot! Send her cute texts at random times during the day, send her flowers just because, and even write on her Facebook wall. Do anything you can to make her know that you still love and think about her just as much as when you lived in the same city. This will help keep the spark alive for both of you, even when you don’t get to see each other as much.
You’re also going to have to learn to really trust each other. I’m sure you and your girlfriend trust each other (or, at least, I hope you do!), but being across the country from each other requires a whole ’nother level of trust. You two aren’t going to know all of the people the other one is hanging out with, but you need to be okay with that and not let it worry you. Yes, your girlfriend might be hanging out with boys, and maybe some of them are cute, and some of them will hit on her, but you need to trust her and trust your relationship. Trying to control whom she hangs out with from 3,000 miles away will only make her break up with you, so don’t do it. And, she’ll be worried about all the girls you meet in California, but do everything you can to assure her that no one compares to her, and no matter how many girls you see in bikinis on the beach, she’ll still be the only one you look at naked.
You’ll also need to learn to be okay with not talking to each other all of the time. Yes, Skype sessions are a must, and, like I said earlier, random cute texts are great, but you can’t talk all of the time. You won’t be able to Skype every day or talk on the phone an hour each night because you are both going to have your own lives; sitting inside talking to each other won’t help you settle into your new life in California or help her focus on her job in Boston. Talk to each other as much as you can, but, if you can’t call her for a couple days, or if she doesn’t respond to your text message within the half hour, don’t freak out. As long as you both trust that you’re still thinking about each other, not constantly talking to each other will be okay.
If you want her to know you’re thinking about her, and earn a lot of extra boyfriend brownie points, send her a letter! A letter is way more romantic than a text message, tweet, or wall post (even though those are good, too,) and she’ll appreciate the extra time and effort you spent on it! It seems obvious and clichéd (have you ever watched a romantic comedy?), but trust me (just like you trust your girlfriend!), she will love it! Just make sure your handwriting is legible … and sending her a care package with the letter is always welcome, too!
Try to also visit each other as much as you can. It’s going to be expensive to fly across the country, but, whether you see each other every month or every six months, try to always know the next time you’ll see each other. This will make your goodbyes easier because you’ll always be able to look forward to the next time you’ll say hello again.
So, Boston, it’s going to be difficult, but if you do all of the things I’ve told you, I know you and your girlfriend can have a great, healthy, trusting, loving relationship—even when you’re 3,000 miles apart. Good luck!
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