Ever wanted to get inside a girl’s mind? Want to know whether all girls are crazy, or if you just don’t quite understand them (hint: it’s the 2nd one…)
Luckily, Real Live College Girl Cassidy is here to answer all your questions about women and relationships, with poise, charisma and a little bit of humor. And don’t worry, she won’t judge you on your questions… unless you seem cute. Girls—pass this onto your guy friends and boyfriends, stat!
Where is the line drawn between social media networking and creeping? Is friending/following a girl ever too forward? What about wall posts, messages or tagging?
-Technologically Timid at Tulane
Dear Tech,
I love this question because I am a huge social media fan (ok, more like addict…)! And it is definitely a relevant question in today’s world of college dating. But, like you said, there is a line between networking and creeping. The line might be a little bit different for some girls who hate social media and/or never talk to guys online, but I’ll answer this from the perspective of most girls you’ll meet (in person or online) at college who appreciate what Facebook has to offer. I have compiled a short Facebook Flirting Guide for you. In this guide, I’ll break Facebook flirting down into two categories: Fail-Free Flirting and Freaky Flirting.
Facebook Friending
Fail-Free: Ah, the dreaded Facebook friend request … I say, if you’ve met the girl before, go ahead and friend her. If you don’t think she’ll remember who you are (because there were a lot of people meeting that night, or it was a college party, and everyone wasn’t in the best mindset for remembering things … haha,) then you can attach a short message to the friend request. But yes, friending is definitely okay (if she doesn’t like you, she can just not accept it! That’s the worst-case scenario there).
Freaky: If you’ve never met a girl in person before, she most likely won’t accept your friend request and will think you are creepy. For example, if you and the mystery girl have a mutual friend but have never met in person, it would be creepy to friend her because she’ll have no clue who you are. If you can, use that mutual friend to meet her in person, so that she knows who you are before you friend her online.
“Liking”
Fail-Free: There are a lot of things to “like” on Facebook: pictures, statuses, links, wall posts… it can get overwhelming! But, if you are trying to flirt with a girl, “liking” something of hers can be an easy, yet subtle, way of getting her attention. If you “like” her profile picture, she will probably assume that you think it’s a good picture – and, therefore, assume that you think she’s attractive (which you do… right?) “Like” her status if you want to support what she’s doing, or especially if you two talked before about whatever the status is about.
Freaky: You probably shouldn’t “like” someone’s wall post on her wall, or something she posts on someone else’s wall, unless it’s something that relates to you. If it doesn’t relate to you, then it means you are somewhat Facebook stalking her (even if the News Feed makes it easy to). And, if you do choose this flirting tactic, stick to only “liking” at most three things per week. You don’t want to overwhelm her or creep her out. “Liking” is good when you want to be subtle, but if you do it all the time, she’ll think you don’t have the guts to say anything to her, even online… and that’s no good.
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Facebook Wall Posts
Fail-Free: Wall posts are public, so anyone a girl is friends with can see what you write on her wall (obviously). If you’re going to post something on her wall, make it a funny video about something you two have talked about before (like a clip from her favorite movie,) a link to a website you think she’d like, or something else casual that doesn’t put your emotions on the table. It will show her you are interested in what she’s interested in, and it is a great way to show her that you care.
Freaky: Since wall posts are public, don’t post anything embarrassing or lovey-dovey. For example, don’t write, “You are so adorable. We should hang out again sometime,” or “haha, remember that time you (insert embarrassing memory here)?” That’s what Facebook messages or in-person conversations are for.
Facebook Chat
Fail-Free: Facebook chat is an easy way to get in contact with a girl whom you don’t know very well. It’s like going back to our middle school days, when boys would flirt with us (and, I’ll be honest, we flirted with the boys too…) via AOL Instant Messenger – just without the clever (and sometimes creepy) screen names … But, if you are going to Facebook chat a girl, make sure it’s not just “hey.” Make sure you have something to say to her. Right now, you could ask her how her summer break is going so far, or, if she just posted a status saying she got a job, ask her about it. Or offer her help on a project you know she’s working on. Basically, talk to her about anything besides “how was your day?” – save that for once you’re on a regular talking basis with her.
Freaky: Don’t chat her frequently, especially if you are still getting to know her. Chat is great when you want to catch up with someone, talk to your girlfriend, or get to know someone better. But, as you are getting to know her better, don’t become too reliant on Facebook chat. It can make you seem creepy, and, if she likes you, she will eventually get impatient and bored if you don’t ask her out. Ask her to chat on a date! Also, don’t always be the first person to initiate a chat. If she is not starting a chat conversation with you, it may mean she’s not interested—and you don’t want to keep bugging her.
Facebook Messages
Fail-Free: I’ve been asked out via a Facebook message twice, and I went on to date both guys … so I’d say that’s a good sign! If you’ve met and hit it off with a girl once, and you want to see her again, or if you’re interested in going on a date with a female acquaintance, then a Facebook message is definitely appropriate. Basically, if you know her, but don’t have her phone number yet, send her a Facebook message. And, in this nerve-wracking Facebook message, don’t profess your love for her; just play it cool, and keep it short and simple. Make her know that you’re interested, but don’t make it look as though you spent all day writing out an essay for her…!
Freaky: Only send a girl a Facebook message if you’ve met her before – don’t do it completely out of the blue. If she doesn’t know you, she will probably not respond. Since a Facebook message is private, she will know you don’t want anyone else to see it, which is pretty much telling her that a stranger likes her. This is creepy, so don’t do it!
So there you have it. The most important thing to keep in mind is that, if you know the girl, most things are fair game in the world of Facebook. But, if you don’t know her, try to meet her in person before friending her, messaging her, etc. Use your common sense, and you will be Facebook fail-free!
Have a question for our Real Live College Girl? Any other social media sites you want to know how to flirt on? Ask away, below!