Talking about my second year at college brings up the same sensations that reading old diary entries from middle school does—except the former recollections are still mortifying and have yet to become something to laugh about. During that gloomy sophomore year, I often went for walks in the park when I was frustrated and had no one to talk to. It seemed easier to stomp along a dirt path with my cell phone turned off and my iPod blasting than to talk to a person, because I didn’t want to complain to others. I spent a lot of time being stressed out and feeling isolated and dwelled on my problems with a single-minded, almost self-absorbed focus.
The thing was, I did want to mull things over with someone else, but felt that I’d be burdening another person with my issues. I entertained the thought of speaking to a counselor, but decided against it for reasons that are probably familiar to many people: I didn’t want to get too personal with someone over a seemingly trivial issue; I worried about confidentiality and whether I’d get along with my prospective therapist, and I stressed about the idea of being seen as someone who needed to sort through mental health issues. It turns out that many college women feel the same way.
In a recent survey conducted by Her Campus, 42.6% of 94 college women had spoken to a counselor on campus. More than 90% of this group did so of their own volition, and the majority of these women reported having a “somewhat positive” experience on their first visit. Out of the 90% of respondents who went of their own accord, 66% claimed to have a “somewhat positive” or “very positive” experience during subsequent meetings with the same counselor.
Even so, despite their satisfaction with their school’s mental health facilities, many of these students still had misgivings about speaking to an on-campus therapist. One anonymous respondent had this to say: I think the hardest thing about seeing a counselor was that I felt embarrassed that I needed to speak to someone—that I couldn’t handle life’s situations on my own. Even though I think it’s an incredibly valuable resource, and even though it helped me a lot, the embarrassment is still something I struggle with.
Working through the stigma surrounding mental health is one of the most important issues for young women today. It’s easy to concentrate on keeping our grades up and our bodies healthy, and to forget about what holds all of that together: our minds. Counselors and psychologists can be great resources for anyone dealing with academic stress and difficult living situations, or with more complicated issues like depression or sexual assault. Some people hit it off with their counselors during the very first meeting, while others have to shop around to find a good fit, but the process can be a worthwhile one even if it isn’t always easy.
Her Campus spoke to two college women who have had two different experiences with the mental health facilities on their campuses. Read on to see what they had to say about the process of taking a seat on the proverbial (or in this case, literal) leather couch, and opening up to someone unfamiliar.
Daniela, Boston College: Dealing with academic and personal stress
When the stress of classes and extracurricular activities started affecting other aspects of her life, Daniela, a senior at Boston College, decided to consult a therapist. “I first went to see a counselor in junior year. I didn’t think I needed to until then, but I was having a really stressful semester. I was involved in a lot of different clubs but I wasn’t having fun with them. I had a lot of work to do, the whole ‘boys’ thing wasn’t working out, and my roommate situation kind of sucked. I didn’t realize that I was more upset than I realized and I’d think, ‘Whatever, I’m fine’—but it was getting to me.
“I talked to my friends about everything, but that wasn’t always helpful. In terms of the guy, my friends would tell me to go for it and see what happened. But, in a way, that can be bad because sometimes you do need to be told: ‘Don’t go for it. Maybe it’s not going to work out.’ And it’s great to have support from friends and family about activities, but I needed an objective point of view from someone who wouldn’t just tell me I’d be okay. I wasn’t sure what I’d get out of going [to see a therapist] or what would happen; I just thought I’d try it.
“I did some research before making an appointment. At BC there are two or three counselors that they suggest for AHANA (African, Hispanic, Asian, and Native American) students. I remembered someone mentioning a great counselor when I was a freshman, so I looked her up online and then scheduled a meeting with her; it took about a week to see her. When we met, I filled out a sort of diagnostic personality test and talked a little about how I had been feeling, my drinking habits, and how I was doing in school. She said she saw that I was having trouble concentrating and that I was losing motivation. I wasn’t doing well in a class and she suggested that I talk to the professor. She was very professional but also made me feel like it was okay to talk about what was going on. I tried to be as open as possible, but I probably didn’t get very personal until our second-to-last meeting. Once I did, she said she was glad because she understood more why certain things affected me, and it was helpful.
“I can see why someone might be opposed to [speaking to a counselor]—because they don’t want to be judged, or are afraid that people will call them ‘crazy’—but lots of people go through similar things and if you want to talk to someone, you should. I haven’t seen the counselor I spoke to since last year, but I’m thinking of going back. It would be nice to go back to someone that knew me from last year, but first I want to figure out how to improve things on my own.”
Elizabeth, Williams College: Dealing with anxiety and mood disorders
For college women experiencing anxiety or mood disorders, schoolwork and fun often take a backseat to the task of just getting through the day. The Fall 2009 National College Health Assessment conducted by the American College Health Association found that 52% of college women “felt overwhelming anxiety” in the previous year, and that 31.7% felt so depressed at a given moment that it was difficult to function. Elizabeth, a senior at Williams College, counts herself among these women, and as a result she turned to the mental health professionals on campus for help.
“I first decided to speak to a counselor in my freshman year of college,” says Elizabeth. “My friends thought I was depressed and suggested it, but I just didn’t want to [go] at that point. But a friend of mine kept saying, ‘You should see someone, you should see someone. I can’t help you with this.’ We went to the health center and I was allowed to speak to someone on the first visit. I only saw that person once. She was old and a little weird, and it was stressful because she said things like, ‘Do you hurt yourself? I need to know because if you do then we’ll have to take you to a hospital.’ If she asked in a different way, I might have stuck with her, but the way she did it freaked me out and turned me off.
“In junior year I started seeing the psychiatrist who gives me my [ADD] medication just to talk; I thought it would be a good idea. But I ended up not liking [her] either because she didn’t ever say anything—she just let me keep talking and talking and I needed more guidance than that. It was also a little weird because one of my good friends at the time was seeing her, too. At first it was kind of cool, but then once I started having actual issues, some that concerned my friend, I wanted distance from both of them. I felt like [my psychiatrist] could potentially be biased after hearing a story that someone else had told her. I wasn’t nervous about confidentiality, but I just wanted some separation. She said it was completely fine and I started seeing someone else that I’m still seeing now.
“The person I’m seeing now actually gives me advice, so that’s worked out. She makes me feel like she’s listening, and she remembers things about earlier conversations, so I feel like she cares. In the end, I went to speak to someone because I wanted advice, and I wanted to see if I could change things about my life. I talk a lot to my friends and I’m very open about things, but I wanted someone who has a different way of looking at mental health. My friends could say, ‘Oh, you sound depressed,’ but that doesn’t mean as much because they can’t say for sure what’s wrong, or [know] what I should do.”
Notably, Elizabeth also sees a psychologist when she is back at home. While some Her Campus survey respondents said that speaking with a therapist from home overrides the need to speak to someone at school, Elizabeth has found that there are merits to doing both, and she intends to keep making appointments with both counselors.
“My parents only made me talk to someone [at home] when I was having panic attacks. They’re religious, so I started seeing a Christian psychologist who helped them when they were having marital problems. That might be why I like her so much—because she knows my background. She asks more questions about my family and because of that she knows me a little better. I [also] think it’s important to speak to someone with your faith because things like masturbation or sex seem like they’re not a big deal to a lot of people, but it can be a whole different story to someone else. I thought that a Christian psychologist would be really strict, but after seeing her and it not being like that, I saw that it could be different.
“College is such a strange time period and we’re going through a lot of changes. You should never feel too proud or embarrassed to talk about what’s going on,” adds Elizabeth.
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What to expect if you visit mental health services and how to get the most out of your visit…
Her Campus spoke to Dr. Brock, a licensed psychologist and the Assistant Director of Mental Health Services at Washington University in St. Louis, about what college women who are thinking about visiting a therapist can do to get started.
Don’t downplay what you’re going through
Few students think of speaking to a therapist when they’re having academic trouble even though the experience could be beneficial. Although most of the students who come into her office are concerned about depression, anxiety and stress, or are having difficulty with relationships, Dr. Brock, wishes that more college students were aware of the ways in which academic difficulties may be tied to emotional issues.
“College women are affected by everything from gender pressures about how to be a woman in this culture and what that means, to how they think they’re supposed to balance family and relationships,” Dr. Brock explains. “I talk to young women who are smart and ambitious and want kids, but are already wondering: How am I going to do all of that? Questions about sexuality, their own wants and needs in a relationship, responding to sexual pressure, and what it means when someone pushes past their boundaries, are pretty pervasive at this age. Men do encounter similar issues, but we can’t take gender out of the equation because things often play out differently.”
Although Dr. Brock understands how the various stigma surrounding mental health issues would affect anyone thinking of getting help, she urges students to make at least one appointment. “It’s funny,” she says. “On the one hand, people don’t want to come in because they don’t want to be seen as defective or weak, and on the other hand people don’t want to come in because they don’t think their problems are bad enough. I’ll have students come in who may have been mildly depressed for a long time and will say, ‘It was never that bad. I could still get out of bed and go to class, so I didn’t know I should come in.’ At least come in and check in, and we’ll rule it out that there’s nothing going on emotionally, though in reality there often is.”
Before you make an appointment, do some background research
Some Her Campus survey respondents cited a lack of trust in the “legitimacy” of their school’s services and in the staff itself as turnoffs. “I didn’t think they’d be as good as off campus services,” said one person. “I have a counselor who is not affiliated with the university,” said another. Both of these responses correspond with the 54% of college women who decided against speaking to a therapist at college despite having considered it. Dr. Brock partially attributes this ambivalence to students’ tendency to equate a counselor’s professional title with the quality of therapy. “WashU students tend to feel like the bigger your degree, the better your service,” she says. “But in my experience there are really good therapists and really bad therapists with every sort of degree. It’s about finding someone who’s the right fit. There’s something about that you just can’t quantify, but it should feel right on some level.”
So what can you do to get that “fit”? Start by going online. The mental health portal on many student health websites allows you to read staff profiles online. If you’re looking for someone who specializes in minority student issues, LGBTQ matters, or even if you would just prefer to speak to a female doctor over a male one, chances are you’ll be able to find out which person is best, just by looking around. Dr. Brock also suggests speaking to the student mental health services appointment coordinator. These receptionists often have loads of insight into the staff members’ specialties, which allows them to make a better match on the first try.
Become familiar with other resources on campus
Most campuses have organizations that deal with specific problems like sexual assault or substance abuse. Many of these groups have anonymous hotlines that offer peer-to-peer counseling from students who are trained to deal with these issues. Contacting one of these groups before getting in touch with the larger body of student health services can be a great first step toward getting help.
Ask questions about your school’s policies regarding confidentiality or payment
Although many students fear that psychologists will take liberties with personal information exchanged in sessions, Dr. Brock affirms that such an occurrence is remarkably rare, since laws regarding privacy prevent therapists from releasing any information without written consent. If you are concerned about student/counselor confidentiality, contact your school’s mental health department or read their statement online.
In terms of the cost of counseling, payment policies for mental health services vary by school. Some schools charge nothing for an unlimited number of visits, while other schools offer a limited number of sessions with a copayment. If this information is not listed on your school’s website, or if you think that you won’t be able to foot the bill for counseling sessions, call the appointment coordinator or receptionist to make sure you learn about your school’s policy. “This doesn’t happen often,” Dr. Brock says, “but it does come up. We always tell people not to let that stop them. If there’s truly a documentable hardship, come in and talk to us.”
Be open and honest about your experiences in order to fully take advantage of the visit
Don’t think of speaking to a counselor as airing your dirty laundry. “There’s this fear of what the therapist is going to think because you’re revealing the most difficult, vulnerable, and maybe shameful stuff about yourself to someone you’ve never met before,” Dr. Brock says. “But in my experience, people are usually surprised by how not-scary it is and often say, ‘That wasn’t as hard as I thought.’”
Dr. Brock proudly admits that she goes to therapy and that doing so helps her remember what it’s like for students—especially ones who visit her for the first time. “I love working with students because they’re really insightful and are motivated to understand themselves. So much of therapy is about discovery, and it can be really exciting to make connections and put things together as part of the process of feeling better.”
After your appointment, give feedback
The Mental Health Services office at Washington University sends students an anonymous electronic survey after their very first visit with a therapist. Although few students choose to fill it out, Dr. Brock believes that it is still a good way to submit feedback about the doctor with whom you spoke, about the experience you had, or about the process of making an appointment. Another option is speaking to the appointment coordinator who made the match in the first place. Let them know what you didn’t like or what made you uncomfortable and then, if necessary, schedule an appointment with someone new.
There’s nothing wrong with asking for help. And the worst that can happen is that you have one appointment and decide not to go back—but you may as well give it a try. You deserve to be happy and healthy, mentally and physically.
Sources
Elizabeth, Williams College
Daniela, Boston College
Dr. Kathy Brock, Ph.D., Washington University in St. Louis
“National College Health Assessment, fall 2009”, ACHA-NCHA