If I had it my way, I would dub every single day National Orgasm Day. However, if you needed a reason to celebrate, clear your calendar every July 31st (go ahead and plug it in your phone, I’m not judging) and dedicate your day to pleasure. Whether you’re enjoying the day solo or with a partner (even if it’s a vibrating one), National Orgasm Day is the day to get that nut—you deserve it.
According to a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, researchers at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction at Indiana University found that orgasms, and the rare that they occur, differ from person to person—depending on things such as gender, sexual orientation, and sexual partner. The study concluded that, while both heterosexual and gay men climax at a rate of 85 percent with a partner, heterosexual women experience orgasms only 62 percent of the time. Lesbian women reach climax 75 percent of the time, and bisexual women experience orgasms the least at 58 percent during partnered sex.
While the reasons people may not be able to orgasm can be different, there’s no denying that the “orgasm gap” exists. And regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or whoever you choose to have sex with, it’s simple: we all deserve to come more. Period!
This National Orgasm Day, Her Campus spoke to sexologist Michelle Hope to find out what might be stopping you from orgasming, and how to “run up that hill” to achieve that toe-curling, astral-projecting-worthy orgasm you need.
What’s stopping me from orgasming?
The standard answer of “why aren’t I coming” is typically that of, “you (or your partner) might not be hittin’ it right.” However, there are other reasons why having an orgasm might be harder to achieve for some than others. And some of it might have to do with your own brain.
“The most important thing to remember is that the brain is the most vital part of orgasm— and if our brains are not in the moment it can sometimes become hard for us to tap into our bodies,” Hope tells Her Campus. “Consider how our society is so deeply connected to technology, and the ability to access information instantly. While there are many benefits to the amount of information we can access being hyper-connected, there are also some drawbacks to how hyper-connected we are.”
The Gen Z attention span is short, that’s no secret. However, that goes much farther than our TikTok scrolls—it might be a factor in one’s inability to orgasm.
Hope says, “Our brains become easily distracted from the task at hand, and in this case the task is orgasm. When the brain is constantly in hyperdrive, the brain is forced to work harder to relax and connect our brains with our bodies.”
So, take a break from your phone for a bit before settling down for some pleasure. It’s all about creating the perfect mood: dim the lights, get comfy, and even play some music to get you feelin’ yourself. Consider swapping out video porn for audio erotica or smut, and let yourself get lost in, well, yourself.
Okay, But How do i, Like, Do It?
Once you’ve gotten over those mental blocks (it’s a process, and it won’t happen overnight), all you need to do is find time for pleasure, whether it’s alone or with a partner.
“Let your freak flag fly and allow yourself to indulge pleasure with no self-judgment,” Hope says. “Doesn’t matter if you are alone or coupled up, take the day to masturbate or leisurely spend the day in bed with your lover(s).”
Hope also recommends celebrating National Orgasm Day along the same lines as New Year’s Day and encourages everyone to think about their own sexual resolutions to work on for the next year.
“Try to take time to explore what pleasure means to you,” says Hope. “That could look like journaling about a particular fantasy or trying out a new toy or position(remember the clitoris has around 8,000 nerve endings and is the only organ that’s soul purpose is pleasure!). Perhaps, you recommit to practicing open and intentional communication with your partner about what pleasure looks like to you, and being curious as to what pleasure looks like for your partner. Open communication and curiosity can be a sure-fire way to head up the sheets.”
Whether you’re choosing to celebrate the day with others, or just yourself, the message remains—National Orgasm Day is a day to celebrate you and your pleasure. What that looks like is up to you, just as long as it’s safe, consensual, and fun or everyone involved.
“If you’re solo or otherwise, set aside time to honor and celebrate your body through masturbation; and commit to making it a regular practice. You deserve it!”
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