“Wow, I’m so glad that’s over.”
That’s what I said to myself as I got home from my date that night. It was the third date I had in a week, all with different guys.
On top of those dates, my entire week had been a rollercoaster of craziness, and it’s solely because I joined Tinder.
Due to my commitment issues, cynicism and hesitance to date, my friends and I thought it would be a great social experiment for me to join Tinder. I would have never gone through with it if it weren’t for the ever-present nudging of a few people who wanted to see me endure a week of complete chaos.
My friends knew I wasn’t completely sold on the idea, so they set some ground rules:
1. No “troll” photos on my profile. I ended up using a selfie, a hiking picture and a “cute,” normal picture. My bio on my profile was simply “Sassy & Classy.”
2. Swipe for at least ten minutes every day.
3. Meet at least one guy in person for an actual date.
Oh, and did I mention I used different personalities for all of these guys? Yeah, it was wild.
I picked a “character” within the first few message exchanges with each guy, and I was astounded by how spot on each interaction was. Either my friends and I are really good judges of character or these guys are super predictable.
Date #1: Super Like
Super Like got this name because he was the first one to “super like” me, and I soon decided I would be the “nice girl” in this situation. After an intentionally cheesy pick up line, the conversation quickly led to a request for my phone number, followed by an invitation for a date. As any nice girl would do, I always texted back or answered the phone and made sure I seemed interested in our conversation. And I accepted the date invitation.
Our initial planned date got cancelled because he got called into work, and I went camping the next day so we didn’t talk. The day after that, he made a point to call me as soon as he thought I would be back in town and he asked me to dinner, but I talked him down to just coffee. We met and the conversation was adequate, but I was by no means very intrigued.
Plot twist.
Shortly into my date my friend showed up, followed by another friend, followed by their two friends. They didn’t know I was on a date so they ended up sitting with us. I’m sure Super Like thought I planned that out, but it was just a coincidence. He handled the situation decently, and hung out for a while before excusing himself to drive back to El Paso. We kissed, which I wasn’t expecting, and then he left. As he was driving away I thought there was no way I’d hear from him again after the stunt he thought I pulled.
I was wrong.
I got a text the next day, and the next, and the next…
After a week of turning him down and him still trying, I finally had to send the “Look, dude…” text. Luckily he got the hint then (when it punched him in the face) and hasn’t reached out since. He’s a nice guy, but he’s at the stage in his life where he has a house and a 401K and mows his lawn every Saturday, while I can barely figure out what I’m going to eat for lunch. He would very much like to marry and have lots of babies with the random girl he met on Tinder, but I still have a lot of wild college student left in me.
Date #2: Dragon
One night, my friend begged me to let her swipe for me for my ten minutes that day. This friend challenged me early on to be completely myself with at least one guy, one I could see myself dating. Enter Dragon. Dragon drew me in by challenging me to a thrilling battle of “Would You Rather.” He was witty, charming and knew how to hold a conversation but he was literally the worst with face-to-face interactions!
One evening we met for coffee, and it was the most painful experience I’ve ever had. I asked the most basic questions, only to receive short, non-descriptive answers and then blankly stare at the TV while trying to think of another question to ask. I wanted to ask him if he had someone texting for him or if he is just that socially awkward.
Then for some reason, he had the most off-base idea that the date was going well enough to ask me to follow up coffee with dinner. That was the last thing I wanted to do. By the grace of God, as we’re walking to his car he gets a “call” from his “friend” saying they “need a ride” because they’re “too drunk to drive.” Of course, the call was completely set up, but I was so happy I didn’t care. We ended with a side hug and an unspoken agreement to never talk to each other again.
Date #3: Caliche
Caliche was very smooth with his attempts to ask me on a date, so on Wednesday we set up all the details for a lunch date on Saturday. I didn’t hear from him the rest of the week until early Saturday morning when he texted and said he was sick and couldn’t make it. Still half asleep, I responded with a “You’re good :)” and we left it at that.
Fast forward two weeks.
I get a text late afternoon on a Sunday saying he “totally spaced” about rescheduling our date and wanted to know what I was doing that night. I’m the type of person who likes to pretend I have a life, so I declined for that night. But I did agree to dinner the next day. It was a mediocre date, nothing spectacular. He pulled out my chair, opened doors and paid for the meal. We texted a couple times after the date, but then I decided I wasn’t going to put energy into something I wasn’t interested in. We haven’t talked since.
Date #4: Hilary (with the smirking, purple devil emoji)
With a nice smile and a bio that read, “My life is currently somewhere between kegs and kids,” this was another guy I decided to reach out to first. I messaged him to tell him his bio was funny because I think credit should be given where credit is due. Quickly after that, I decided to be the argumentative and challenging girl, which is the easiest character for me to follow because it’s the most similar to my actual personality. That ended up being exactly what appealed to this guy. He didn’t give me an inch, and I shot back just as hard. I intrigued him enough to ask for my number, which of course I didn’t give to him without making him work a little harder for it.
I knew with keeping up with his façade, he wouldn’t ask me out, so I just tricked him into it using my charm and wit. We made lackluster attempts at meeting up, but between my traveling and his work schedule, we knew it wouldn’t work out. He said he would text me in a couple weeks when he got back from a business trip. I told him that would “give me time to decide if I even liked him or not.”
Another one bites the dust.
Lessons Learned
There were times where this experiment got really difficult for me. A struggle of mine was that I was dealing with real people. I told myself before this ever started I would not lead anyone on. Even by denying that, I had a couple of guys who actually started to like me (I have no clue how or why). I definitely wasn’t expecting that and I had absolutely no interest in them, so that caused a lot of internal conflict.
I think the biggest internal conflict is that about eight months ago, I made a pact with myself to do everything I could do to be the best version of myself as possible. This included everything from eating better to reading more to practicing random acts of kindness. And I had been doing really well with this. The past eight months are the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.
But this experiment took me back a few steps. I was playing with people’s emotions and being someone I wasn’t. Instead of being the free-spirited, appreciative, motivated Bethany I had worked so hard to become, I was the superficial, flirtatious Bethany I wanted nothing to do with. Also, instead of spending time focusing on family and friends or school and work, I was on my phone, talking to people who would not add any benefit to my life. The Bethany I was that week is a Bethany I’ve never seen before, and I did not like it one bit.
I know everyone wanted me to fall in love with someone on here because it would be ironic and then they would make a Lifetime movie about it we would all be famous. Well, I still have a heart of stone, so that didn’t happen. But I did learn a lot from this experiment—about myself and about other people. I’m glad I did this, but I would definitely never do it again.