I think we can generally agree that oral sex is one of the best things you can do with your partner, but it’s also a total struggle. When you’re hyper focused on pleasing yourself and your SO while simultaneously trying to be not awkward for once in your life, oral sex can become a juggling act that’s so hectic and overthought that it sucks (lol) all the pleasure away.
Whether it’s penis or vagina, we have some oral sex tips up our sleeves that will *blow* you away. We’ll help you get educated on everything about giving and getting head, and talk you through the awkward parts. Let’s just say that after we’re done, you’re going to be next level.
Robyn Berry, a staff member at Planned Parenthood in San Luis Obispo, has the full scoop on keeping your mouth and their genitals nice and protected. “First make sure both you and your partner have no sexually transmitted infections, and get tested regularly every few months,” she says. “Oral sex is relatively low risk if there’s some sort of barrier involved, but the best things to use are condoms or Sheer Glyde dental dams.”
To use protection, have your partner wear a condom or place the dental dam over their penis. You can go along pleasuring each other like usual, but the barrier will prevent harmful bodily fluids from being transferred between you two. If you’re not a fan of the latex taste, try a flavored condom! We recommend browsing babeland.com for your favorite flavor, because their lubricant is water-based and won’t give you a yeast infection if you use it for vaginal sex later.
It may seem lame AF to use protection for oral sex, but also, why wouldn’t you? When all the stress of risk is alleviated, you can relax and feel sexy instead of being worried that something bad will happen. Plus, using a condom or dental dam doesn’t take away any of the feelings of pleasure.
2. How to give a blowjob
The key to giving an out of this world blowjob is knowing all the hot spots that make your partner tick. You should definitely ask your partner first what they prefer, but we also have a few pointers for you too.
First off, remember that even though it’s called a blowjob, you still want to be using your hands in tandem with your mouth. Using your hands to cover the parts of your partner’s shaft that your mouth can’t reach is going to make them feel full and out of their mind with pleasure, almost as if you’re deep-throating them. Another part you don’t want to ignore is their testicles. Playing with their balls while you’re sucking and putting some pressure on their perineum (the space between the testicles and butt) will have bae coming faster than you imagine.
Also, please remember that you have teeth, and unless your partner asks you to, you can just put those babies away. That should be blowjob tip number one.
Ariana*, a senior at Pennsylvania State University, shares her boyfriend’s hot spot. “The thing that makes my boyfriend really crazy is when I stick my tongue in his meatus-hold which is the tiny hole in the tip of the penis,” she says. “Works every time!”
She also has an incredible fake deep-throating tip to share. “I stick my tongue to the roof of my mouth and just go down until he hits the back of the underside of my tongue,” she says. “He says it feel like I’m deep throating him, and I never gag, so it works for both of us! The only thing is being careful not to get toothy with your bottom teeth or this could easily backfire.”
Before touching your partner anywhere new for the first time, make sure to ask their consent. Experimenting and trying new things during oral sex is something you should do regularly to keep your sex life fresh, but always double check what your partner is and isn’t comfortable with.
For cunnilingus, you’ll need to place a dental dam over your partner’s vuvla to act as a barrier between any harmful bodily fluids and your mouth. For extra fun, use a water or silicon based lube which will not only keep the dam from breaking, but you’ll get a yummy flavor. Again, we recommend bableand.com because their lube does not contain harmful sugars that may cause a yeast infection.
If you want to learn more about STDs and how to have safe sex aside beyond oral, this video by Planned Parenthood is extra helpful.
2. How to go down
Umm, hello clitoris? Your partner will tell you what feels good, but when eating out there’s a few main tips you should follow. Most of what you should be doing is licking and sucking their labia and clitoris, even penetrating with your tongue if that feels good for your partner. Spend some extra time targeting their clitoris and playing with their nipples. Don’t forget to use your hands in this instance too, because getting fingered in tandem with mouth action is the best feeling ever.
Emma*, a junior at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, definitely knows how to please! “My girlfriend’s favorite thing is teasing,” she says. “For us, oral sex is usually just foreplay but it’s honestly the best part of the sex. If you gently run your fingers up and down her labia but don’t really go for it right away, then all of a sudden just go crazy with your tongue on her clit, you’ll win. You’ll just win.”
Alright ladies, off to the races!
Come to terms with the less pleasant
Maybe oral sex isn’t always sexy from your end. Bodily fluids are weird, there are down-there smells you’ve never encountered before and it’s easy to get caught up in the fact that you’re putting your mouth all over the thing your partner pees out of.
Even though oral sex may on the surface seem gross or dirty, this intimate time with your partner should never be an act of martyrdom on your part. Treating it like a job or an unappealing activity you must do as part of your relationship is only going to make it worse. Remember that a body is a body, and it isn’t going to be smell like a Yankee candle or taste like vanilla ice cream. Appreciate your partner for their humanness, and getting lost in their pleasure and yours will keep your mind from getting hung up on anything yucky.
If you’re continually grossed out and want to avoid the situation at all costs, that’s a strong indicator you aren’t comfortable having oral sex. If that sounds like you, Scarleteen can help you explore your readiness. While you may be trying to pleasure your partner, we also want our collegiettes feeling good emotionally, because you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your own comfortability to make your partner happy.
You know what’s not fun at all? When two people try to have oral sex but neither has voiced their opinion about what they want and everyone is fumbling around feeling hella awkward and nervous. Don’t be that person. If the thought of your partner sticking their tongue inside you repulses you, then say it. Put on your big girl panties and have a talk with them about what gets you wet and how to make you cum. Talk about any boundaries you have, and make sure to listen to your partner too. Communication is key for receiving oral sex.
“Make sure you feel safe and comfortable with the person,” says Ashley Drayton, a Georgia State University alumna. “Having that comfort will make you feel less awkward and nervous. You should also tell each other what you like and don’t like, but ultimately if both parties are comfortable and passionate about pleasing each other, then it will be amazing.”
Let’s be honest, talking about sex can be a lot harder than actually having sex. It’s nerve-wracking to open up about your desires and make yourself vulnerable. However, communication is a hundred percent necessary, both for you to give consent about where your partner can touch you, and also because deep down we both know you want a good orgasm out of this. Keep in mind that when you do talk about it, you shouldn’t be criticizing your partner’s performance. It should be a mutual conversation, and if your partner isn’t okay taking any guidance, then leave them in the dust.
The last aspect of communication we want to touch on is that it’s okay for you to ask for oral sex! If you’re dying for your partner to spend some time eating you out, just tell them and we guarantee they’ll be so turned on by how confident and ready you are.
We cannot stress this enough. Your vagina does not smell weird. You are a sexual goddess. You are Beyoncé. You do not have to feel insecure with your body or overthink whether or not your partner is actually enjoying eating you out.
However good a time you might have performing oral sex on your partner, it’s different when the tables are turned. It’s easy to get caught up in worrying if your partner is totally grossed out by you, and being so insecure and self-conscious is distracting you from the waves of pleasure your partner is giving you. The key to receiving oral sex is finding beauty in who you are, loving your woman self and realizing that your partner wouldn’t be giving you head if they weren’t totally in to you.
Danielle*, a junior at Kent State University, shares her experience with overthinking during oral sex. “I’m super shy naturally, so during oral sex my performance anxiety is off the charts,” she says. “I’m always worried about being awkward or not coming, but throughout college I’ve learned that it’s actually a really amazing experience if you can quiet thoughts about your body being gross or having insecure feelings.”
To truly relax and enjoy oral sex without letting negative thoughts creep in, spend some time getting to know your genitalia so you can trust in your body. Clean it by bathing regularly, and definitely don’t douche because it throws off your pH balance. Masturbate and get to know and love your vagina, because that’s pretty much what your partner is experiencing. Getting used to yourself down there and knowing exactly how you are should eliminate some insecurity that your vulva is some kind of gross monster.
Next, find some acceptance. Oral sex isn’t going to be perfect, clean and end in an orgasm every time, and there shouldn’t be that expectation. It’s okay if your partner eating you out doesn’t make you come, and it’s okay if you’re quiet or loud or shy or riding their face. Oral sex is, at its core, a time dedicated to pleasure and to grow in intimacy and connection with your partner.
Cherish it for its imperfections and awkwardness, and you’ll be enjoying yourself more in no time.
*Name has been changed