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Sex + Relationships

Guys’ Perspectives on Common Hook-Up Scenarios

I’m guilty too. As girls, we spend too much time analyzing conversations we have with the boys in our lives. Surprisingly, it seems they spend almost as much time thinking about what we say to them! Her Campus talked to college guys to find out their take on common hook-up/dating scenarios, so that you can stop wondering.
 
Your take: You have been talking with a cute boy from one of your classes, and–even though you are worried about making the first move—you ask him to “hang out” this weekend.
His take:  When you reach out to guys, they are happy and excited about the prospect of something happening. “That’s a great sign,” John, a sophomore at Dartmouth College, said. “It makes my job so much easier. I’m not a guy with initiative.” Andrew, a sophomore at Dartmouth College, said that he would be “all for it” if he was interested in the girl, adding that it doesn’t matter to him who makes the first move. Many guys prefer when girls take initiative. “It removes any doubt from the situation,” John, a sophomore at Hamilton College, said.
 
Your take: You are interested in a guy and want to spend time with him. You text him saying, “Want to come over?”
His take: Think about what you want with this boy before you send that text because he will most likely write you off as “easy” afterwards.  “If it’s after midnight, it’s a straight up booty call,” Kevin, a sophomore at Duke University, said. Some guys prefer girls who aren’t shy about expressing their desires. “She’s exactly my type because she knows what she wants and she’s going for it herself,” Joe, a freshman at CUNY Queens, said.
 
Your take: You are really into a new guy, but are worried about falling too hard. You tell him you want to take things slow.
His take: A guy’s reaction depends on whether he sees you as just another hookup, or as something more. “If she’s a hit-it-and-quit-it type, I’m not going to be with it,” Joe said. “Someone that makes me smile when she smiles, I would definitely take it.” Rick, a sophomore at Dartmouth College, had the same perspective.  “I would rather things go fast because I tend not to be that patient of a person,” he said. “If there was a girl I really liked and was committing to in the long-term, I would like things to go more slow.” In the second scenario, Andrew said he would take the extra time to “test the waters” and make sure he and his partner were as comfortable with each other as possible.
 

Your take: You like spending time with a guy, but don’t see yourself getting romantically involved with him. You tell him that you just want to be friends.
His take: Most guys said that they would be upset to hear a girl say that if they were really into her. “That’s a pretty awkward situation to be in,” Eoghan, a sophomore at Northeastern University, said. “I would feel confused. I don’t know why she would have let things escalate in the first place if she wasn’t interested in that way.”
 
Other guys would get angry. “I would be pissed because that’s a big slap in the face,” Taylor, a sophomore at Dartmouth College, said. “She doesn’t have the guts to say I don’t want to hook-up anymore.” Some guys said they wouldn’t give up on the girl. “I would be determined to change her mind,” Drew, a sophomore at Harvard University said. “I would try harder to make her want to be something more than friends.”
 
Your take: You are hooking up with a guy who is really cute and nice and you feel like he’s starting to act boyfriend-y, but you’re not excited about the prospect of settling down. You tell him that you are not looking for anything right now.
His take: Although your decision may have nothing to do with the guy you are hooking up with and everything to do with timing, many guys will take the statement personally. “To me that says not that she’s not looking for something, but that you’re not what she’s looking for,” Taylor said. Some guys believe that a girl would give up the idea that she’s not looking for any sort of commitment if the right person came along. “In some ways, [the statement] is directed to me,” Rick said.
 
Other guys are more understanding. “Sometimes people are just trying to get forward in their lives with other things or they are just coming out of something,” Andrew said.
 

Your take:
You have been hooking-up with a guy, but you are not sure what you want to see happen next. You tell him you don’t know what you want.
His take: Some guys would want to see how the situation progresses. “We can just sort of see how things go and take it one step at a time,” Eoghan said. “We can keep hanging out and hooking up to see if we want to take it to the next level.”
 
Most boys see this as an opportunity to take advantage of a girl so be careful about airing your insecurities! “It sounds like she’s easy,” Drew said. “It’s like you can try to talk her into a lot of things.” Andrew agreed. “That means she’s confused and possibly easier to manipulate,” he said.
 
Your take: You are really into a new guy, and can’t stop texting him. He loves to hear from you, right? 
His take: Very wrong! Guys value their independence.  “I like to have my own space,” Rick said. “If a girl was too obnoxious and clingy, I would probably get annoyed.” Too many girls become text-aholics when they fall hard for a guy. “It’s hard-wired into their DNA,” John said. “I really don’t like that because it makes me feel like I’m not free.”
 
Your take: You have been hooking up with a guy for a while, but you two aren’t exclusive. You go out with a group of girlfriends and flirt with the cute boys at the party. You are worried because your hook-up buddy spotted you.
His take: If the guy you have been seeing doesn’t want anything long-term with you, he might not mind seeing you all over other guys, especially since there is no commitment. “It’s all about equality,” Andrew said. “If I’m going to be okay with hooking up with other girls, I should be okay with her hooking up with other guys.”
 
Some guys will get angry. “I would get mad even though I probably shouldn’t because I’m probably doing the same thing,” Joe said. “It’s because I’m an alpha male.”
 
Other guys could see your behavior as a challenge. “I would be a little jealous,” Taylor said. “If she comes back to me at the end of the night, she might be testing me.”
Most of the time, however, excessively flirting with other guys will give him the impression that you are not loyal and definitely not a “keeper.”
 
Is there another scenario you’re wondering about?  Submit it below to be answered by one of HC’s Real Live College Guys!
 
SOURCES:
John, Dartmouth College student
Rick, Dartmouth College student
Andrew, Dartmouth College student
Taylor, Dartmouth College student
Eoghan, Northeastern University student
Drew, Harvard University student
Joe, CUNY Queens student
Kevin, Duke University student
 

Paula is an Economics and Government major at Dartmouth College. She is passionate about journalism. 
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