Unfortunately ghosting can happen to – or, tbh, by – anyone at any time. You text them and ask if they want to hangout but – seemingly out of nowhere – they never respond, or something happens on your end and you find yourself in the position of ignoring messages until, eventually, they give up. Whichever side of phone you’re on, ghosting can suck – a lot. I spoke with seven women about how to get over being ghosted, and why it even happens in the first place – because whether you’re the victim or the culprit, there are a lot of thoughts that go into ghosting that you may have never realized, and many of them probably have nothing to do with you (even if that doesn’t assuage the pain).
So You Think You’ve Been Ghosted
There are plenty of healthy ways to get over a ghosting. Perhaps it’ll take a few more Tinder dates for you to find the right one, or throwing yourself into things you love before you really start to feel better. Either way, it’s definitely not going to be the end of the world. Here’s some of the best advice for getting over it, directly from college students who’ve been there before.
Don’t take it personally
“A lot of people take it very personally, and spend a lot of time considering all the ways they are to blame for getting ghosted. It’s very self-deprecating behavior, and can really hurt your confidence,” Mischa, 22, says. “Accepting that it didn’t work out for one reason or another and focusing on ways to move on is more important than focusing on why it might not have worked out. Think [of it like this:] getting ghosted is actually just a step in the right direction to finding someone better.”
You can’t ruminate on being ghosted. Instead of dwelling on all the reasons why a person may have ghosted you, think about all the things they’re missing out on with you! So, put on your favorite outfit and get a drink with a friend. Or, take some great solo pics and update your Instagram. Whatever you do, know it’s not your fault.
“In college especially, you just have to tell yourself it’s not that personal,” says Caroline, 23. “They just weren’t the right match for you if they decide to ghost, rather than take the mature approach and explain why they’re not interested anymore.”
Get back out there
If a person ghosts you, they don’t deserve you! But you can find someone who does. Think about getting on a dating app, or calling an old flame for a drink.
Rye, 22, says they “got over [being ghosted] by starting a new talking stage with someone else.” But it doesn’t have to be a whole talking stage. You can date casually to get over the person you really liked. Get out there and go on a bunch of random dates to get your mind off of it.
“I got over it by getting under someone new,” Sarah, 22, says. It might sound a bit cliche, but your person is out there. You just have to find them. And, like my mom always says, they’ll come to you when you least expect them to.
So You Became the ghost
A lot of times, people ghost because they don’t want to – or don’t know how to – have the conversation that it’s over. It has nothing to do with you, but rather, the person doesn’t want to tell you why they can’t commit.
It’s hard to hurt someone
“I’m scared of hurting people’s feelings! I am nowhere near strong enough to be straight up, and it’s a problem,” says Courtney, 22. But even when you know it’s not the right move, it can be really hard to tell someone that you can’t be with them.
They’re just not ready
Sometimes, though, there is a reason to ghost.
“I’ve ghosted someone because I felt like I’d gotten too deep, too fast with him, and I felt like I was in over my head. I didn’t see an alternative to ghosting because he was so attached. He wouldn’t have taken no for an answer,” Michel*, 19, says.
Liza*, 22, echoes that sentiment. “My reasons for ghosting are usually because they come on too strong. I do feel bad about doing it, but my priority is really myself in those situations.”
So whichever side of the screen you fall on, don’t take things too hard. People ghost for their own reasons, and it doesn’t mean it has anything to do with you – sometimes we have to put our own feelings first. Keep your head up, and get back out there when you’re ready!
*Names have been changed