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Sex + Relationships

The Crush-O-Meter: When to Pursue and When to Move On

The word “crush” sounds so middle school. Saying it evokes images of walking past the football star cutie on your way to geometry or accidentally brushing hands with that adorable 8th grader from English as you both reach for a slice of pizza at lunch. If he passes you the ball in gym class soccer, it must be true love. You write about the day’s encounters in your journal that night and can barely sleep from anticipation.

It’s Friday afternoon and you’ve finally convinced yourself that today is the day when you’ll approach him. Waiting for the lunch bell to ring feels like it’s taking hours. Finally you’re set free and walk confidently into the hallway. There he is, standing at his locker looking more gorgeous than the day before. But this time, there’s a girl standing next to him. She’s giggling at each word he says and he’s looking at her the way you always hoped he would look at you. As they walk toward the lunchroom, the unthinkable happens—they hold hands.

Your brain tells you to go home, rip up those journal entries, and move on. But your heart clings to the idea that they’ll get into a huge fight next week or she’ll cheat on him with a high school boy and you’ll be there to pick up the pieces. The odds are against you, but that glimmer of hope is all you need.

Welcome to college. Things haven’t changed much. The boy still seems amazing in every way and the girl at his side only adds to the appeal. Ever wish there was a scale to help you decide whether to pursue him relentlessly or accept defeat? Well, you’re in luck. Inspired by Jess and Katie’s textometer here is your own personal unattainability scale.

Some tips for moving on:
For those of you whose situations fall towards the bottom of our scale, think of it this way: if you’re spending each day pining over an unattainable crush, you’re closing yourself off to the possibility of someone new and best of all…. AVAILABLE. Here’s some advice for breaking out of that unattainable crush tunnel vision:

  • Switch into girls’ night mode. When you’re in a rut, no one can help you out of it better than the ladies who know you best.
  • If you have to see your crush on a fairly regular basis, mental preparation is key. Be friendly but not flirty. Focus on chatting up new people at a party or try to stay away from places you know he hangs around.
  • I’d never dare tell you to avoid Facebook completely, but staying away from his page will do wonders for your mood.
  • Most importantly, remember that it’s okay to be sad about not getting the guy. I know I sound like your mother right now, but it’s true. Months from now, you may be asking yourself what you ever saw in him in the first place. And you’ll likely have met someone even better who you would have missed out on had things worked out with this loser!

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SOURCES FOR SCALE

Full of Promise
– He complains about her to you
-When other guys talk to you, his jealousy comes out

– They break up every other Tuesday
– A friend of a friend of a friend claims she’s cheating on him
– A closer friend claims he’s totally flirting with you
– They’re not Facebook official so it doesn’t count, right?

– Your conversations haven’t moved passed the small talk phase
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Risky Territory
– He Texts you every weekend… when he’s drunk
– You dated his friend last year
– He dated your friend last year
– He brings up her name more than 3 times in conversation

– He tries to set you up with one of his friends
– He asks you to go to the mall with him…. to shop for his girl’s bday
– They’ve been dating for over six months

…Don’t go there

Alyssa Grossman is a Jersey girl who sacrificed warmer winters to study Magazine Journalism at Syracuse University. When she isn’t writing, you can probably find her tap dancing, baking, or laughing uncontrollably with friends. She loves going on spontaneous road trips, then coming back and recording every detail in her journal. She’s also obsessed with pumpkin spice lattes and sushi, though not together. Last summer, she interned at M Magazine and as a result, is now a teen pop culture whiz. She is Features Editor at Zipped Magazine, Syracuse University’s fashion publication, and is a contributing writer for the online magazine, bizme.biz. After graduation, she plans to follow her love of Magazine Journalism wherever it takes her. Because, frankly, she couldn’t see herself doing anything else.
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