The temperature is finally starting to warm up, indicating the onset of summer — and of summer relationships. Maybe it’s because numerous rom-coms, TV shows and teen novels romanticize summer relationships, but there’s an ease to summer relationships that other relationships don’t have.
If you’re single this summer, you might find yourself with a lot more free time to be feeling jealous of other couples, especially celebrity couples because they’re so prevalent in celebrity news and gossip. This feeling is common: Bitterness about celebrity relationships and public interest in or even obsession over celebrity breakups has been around about as long as celebrities themselves have.
Back in April, cheating rumors about Rihanna and A$AP Rocky circulated the internet, though they were quickly denied. People have been rooting for years for Justin and Hailey Bieber to break up, with Justin’s ex Selena Gomez getting dragged into the fray as recently as this month. And many fans rejoiced online when Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello called it quits last year. If you’re one of the people waiting for another celebrity couple to call it quits, whether you feel guilty over it or not, there’s a scientific reason you feel that way.
According to Psychology Today, happy people are targets for those who feel this way. Such feelings may manifest in comments like “I hate seeing couples being happy” or “I hate when my friend speaks about how in love she is.” Psychology Today states that happy couples may symbolize intimacy that’s absent from your life, bring attention to your own yearning for a happy and healthy relationship, or trigger your own feelings of loneliness.
“Seeing a couple failing or fighting can be a source of entertainment while also giving us a boost of self-esteem, since we tend to evaluate ourselves as better than those in the fight.”
Psychotherapist Valentina Dragomir tells Her Campus that there are numerous reasons why people want couples to fail. “Perhaps they are envious of the couple’s happiness and feel that they are missing out on something,” she says. “Maybe they feel that the couple doesn’t deserve to be happy because they haven’t worked hard enough for it. It could also be a case of schadenfreude, whereby people take pleasure in seeing others fail because it makes them feel better about themselves.”
Licensed psychologist David Helfand adds that observing others fail normalizes our own lives. “In a world where we constantly have picture perfect images of everyone curated on a daily basis via social media, it is refreshing and comforting to see people just being ‘human,’” he tells Her Campus. It may also help individuals feel better about themselves knowing that other people struggle in their relationships.
Helfand also points out that American society is composed of drama seekers, and this is obvious just by watching five minutes of cable TV. The instant gratification that viewers of shows like The Bachelor gain from watching the ongoing drama activates the emotional centers of the brain, which is what keeps its audience tuning in continually. Other viewers may watch it purely for entertainment as a form of escape from their daily lives or for the emotional connection to the contestants. “Seeing a couple failing or fighting can be a source of entertainment while also giving us a boost of self-esteem, since we tend to evaluate ourselves as better than those in the fight.”
“Being a voyeur into the world of a dysfunctional relationship can create anxiety in ourselves and also lead to unfair judgment being passed on the distressed couple.”
Dragomir says that a lot of people experience this feeling to some extent. Evidence of this phenomenon is all over social media: Creators on TikTok like buildwithbrigette have built platforms with thousands of followers to keep up with celebrity breakups and past “it” couples of Hollywood. “It’s human nature to be competitive and to want what we don’t have, especially if it’s occasional and doesn’t cause any harm. However, if people are constantly fixated on seeing couples fail and it’s impacting their own happiness, then it might be worth considering seeking help from a psychologist or counselor.”
Helfand adds, “Being a voyeur into the world of a dysfunctional relationship can create anxiety in ourselves and also lead to unfair judgment being passed on the distressed couple.” Such feelings may indicate more deep-seated issues like jealousy or insecurity, and tackling these issues could help better an individual’s overall wellbeing.
While it seemingly appears that one may gain joy or comfort from judging others, this resentful happiness is temporary. Prior to jumping into a relationship, it is vital to be confidently single. It’s rare that anyone enters into a successful, healthy relationship without looking in the mirror first. It’s vital to work on and heal yourself before beginning a relationship, and furthermore, it’s crucial that you’re capable of creating your own happiness. Happiness and joy are things that come from within, not things that others provide for you.
It may sound contradictory, but the key to attaining your dream relationship is to firstly become content and confident with being single and know that even though you are single, it’s okay because a relationship status does not define your self-worth. It is very difficult to be truly happy with someone else if you aren’t first and foremost happy with yourself. The journey to self-confidence can be painstaking, and you may find yourself wanting to give up. However, having self-confidence and knowing your worth will be crucial when you do find yourself in your dream relationship. Next time you find yourself resenting a happy couple, pause, and consider all of your own good qualities that make you your wonderful, beautiful self.