Losing your virginity can be a nerve wrecking, yet rewarding process. As the pressure increases the older you get, it seems everyone has experienced the most talked about social construct. Not only do you feel isolated, but it tends to make you rush to find out the hype. Now, not only is it unsatisfying to rush something extremely valuable, but it also becomes a decision you make that isn’t completely on your terms. For those who may feel like an outsider for being a virgin, you are not alone. Here are a list of ideas to remember when you start to doubt why you are waiting to lose your virginity.
It’s all about the right moment with the right someone
Sex should never feel pressured. If you think about anything too much, it starts to feel uncomfortable and almost forced. Don’t do anything you are unsure of due to peer pressure, or because society says so. You only lose your virginity once, so everyone should feel confident in their choice of partner. Planning occasions for it makes the act less spontaneous, which makes it feel less special. If you do have sex, it creates some minor changes in the relationship, but it doesn’t change you as a person.
It’s not all what it’s cracked up to be
Sex is a highly talked about topic in our society. “Sex sells” is a common motto thrown out in marketing advertisements. In our society, commercials, billboard, and even videos advertise several brands. Some of these advertisements sexualize men and women in this romantic setting with revealing clothes and candlelights to sell a brand. Through years of seeing these specific advertisements, we begin to think sex is a high construct that will always be portrayed in this viewpoint. Sex is actually not like it’s portrayed in the movies or commercials and it’s definitely not portrayed accurately in porn. It seems in movies that everyone can easily just start going at it, but it actually takes time to “warm up.” Sex is just an act, but the build up is what makes it a gratifying process. Definitely don’t watch shows and movies that portray characters having sex, as it’s not entirely accurate. Overall, sex is just a simple physical act. There’s no enlightening out-of-body experience afterward, there are no ceremonial parties, it’s simply just an action. It’s implication that it’s some magnificent act is mostly from advertisements, movies, or other media assets that do not shown the reality of sex.
There’s more of us then you think
As a fellow virgin, it starts to feel like everyone around you (especially in college) is having sex. It makes you feel almost like an outcast, but trust me there’s actually many individuals who have zero experience in any relationship fields, let alone sex. Sometimes people bluff about their sex life to seem cool, but don’t do that unless you have something to prove to your friends. Either way, many people are private about their sex life and don’t want to admit they are a virgin because it seems shameful. Do NOT be ashamed you are a virgin. I actually commend you. Society and entertainment makes sex seem worthless — it displays sex as a non-intimate act, which it is. It’s hard to think sex is intimate when it’s portrayed in movies and television shows to a public eye or audience. We wrap our minds around this fantasy that is not accurate. Those of you who feel embarrassed about being a virgin in college, you actually just didn’t buy society’s perspective of it and I commend you for that. Furthermore, there are plenty of people who are virgins in college. Some do not care to admit it, which is their choice to keep their sex life private. But as someone who is open to talking about their virginity, you are not alone fellow virgins.
Overall, being a virgin in college can make you feel like an outsider who may not understand the big idea of sex, but you may be the only one who can further justify their decision to lose their virginity. Certain individuals lie about their virginity for reasons being peer pressure, societies pressure, or personal pressure. Don’t feel pressured to have sex because then it won’t be as rewarding. Remember, being a virgin in college doesn’t make you a freak, outsider, or unwise. Maybe the circumstances have alined in a way that you felt unready to have sex, or the opportunity hasn’t arose, but I can guarantee you there are several other people who walk on campus that have not had sex either.