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Sex + Relationships

9 Reasons Why Guacamole is Better Than a Boyfriend

Boyfriends can be great. They’re go-to cuddle buddies, they say cute things to you and they can reach things you’d normally need a stool to get. But at the end of the day, they’re human, and they have the ability to let us down. And some boys exercise that ability frequently.

But there is something better than a boyfriend that will never let you down. Something savory, delicious and creamy, always ready to be spread or scooped onto the perfectly paired chip, burrito or taco. Something that is always available for your eating pleasure. Whether free or not, it is always an invaluable delicacy. Don’t fear, for guacamole is here. And there are plenty of reasons why you should desire guac over a boyfriend any day.

1. Guacamole is always ready to spice up your day and put you in a good mood. 

It’s never upset or annoyed or too busy for you. 

2. All of your friends already love guacamole.

You don’t have to worry about gaining their approval, and you can all hang out without awkwardness.

3. Guac will never ignore you.

It always wants to be eaten and appreciated.

4. If you want to hang out with guacamole, you don’t have to make plans. 

You’re just a ripe avocado and a little seasoning away from happiness.

5. Guac won’t cheat on you or talk to other girls.

It wants every last scoop to go to you, and only you.

6. You don’t have to wear makeup, put on pants or even get out of bed to be with guacamole.

It wants to be with you no matter your state of appearance.

7. Guacamole is green, but never green with envy.

It won’t ever get mad or jealous. The only jealous people will be the ones wishing they were eating your delicious guac.

8. Guacamole will never leave you.

And if you run out, there’s always more love where that came from.

9. Guacamole never asks for anything.

You won’t have to lift a finger for it. Just a deliciously paired tortilla chip.

We love you, guac.

Meredith is a senior completing a Bachelor of Arts at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, majoring in Communication Arts and Gender & Women's Studies with a certificate in Digital Studies. She moonlights as a freelance portrait photographer, and you can find her work at meredithmariephotography.com.
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