Sex can become a regular part of anyone’s life. It can even be seen as routine and the thing about routines is that they can get boring. If you feel like your sex life is lackluster or something is missing, you and your partner may not be doing everything you can to have great sex every time you’re in the act.
1. Get consent before, during and after
Talking to your partner before is definitely ideal (and we’ll totally talk about that later on) but consent is one piece of communication that everyone should have before having sex. Asking your partner if they definitely want to have sex beforehand can be reassuring and get you both on the same level excitement if the answer is, “Yes” and will make everything more relaxed. But consent doesn’t stop there, ask your partner if they are okay and still want to engage in sex while you’re in the act.
Becky Chariton, a recent graduate of Temple University, says, “Asking your partner how they’re feeling during sex and asking if everything is okay during sex can be hot. It definitely makes me feel better and more confident that the person I’m having sex with is making sure I’m still into it as much as they are.”
They may not feel comfortable voicing their concerns or may feel afraid. Keep up the constant line of communication before, while in between the sheets and after so you know you’re both consenting.
2. Make eye contact
Eyes are the windows to the soul! Eye contact during sex can really heat things up. It’s a nonverbal way of saying how much you’re enjoying being in bed with your partner and an opportunity to really connect with your partner.
Kaitlyn Suppes, a senior at the University of Wyoming, says, “Whether it’s during foreplay or sex, eye contact makes the experiences more intimate. Instead of staring at the wall or ceiling, make eye contact with your partner and tell them how much you’re enjoying this shared experience with your eyes.”
Eye contact can help make sex more intimate and memorable. Try locking eyes with your partner the next time things get heated.
3. Communicate with your partner
Whether you read about a new position you want to try or if something is making you uncomfortable, one of the keys to having good sex is to talk to your partner.
“You have to understand what your partner likes and dislikes,” says Stephanie Murray, a junior at Savannah College of Art and Design. “You also have to have consent. Without communication you won’t know what makes them happy; your partner’s happiness should be your focus.”
Getting consent from your partner and talking to each other about what pleases them in bed will not only make sex a lot more fun, but it will create trust and openness between the two of you.
4. Always make sure there’s foreplay before sex
Whether your foreplay involves you two wearing costumes and taking on different personas or just consists of a passionate makeout session, it’s one of the most important parts of sex. Foreplay gets you in the mood to get down to business and makes sex more passionate.
“I think there should always be foreplay before sex, Juliana Collins, a graduate student at the University of Pennsylvania, says. “For men, it’s really important to understand that foreplay for a woman will only benefit them more in the long run. It will only make sex more enjoyable.”
Experiment with different types of foreplay and see what works for you and your partner. Even if it’s a random hookup, make sure you and your body are in the mood to have sex by insisting on foreplay.
5. Talk about fantasies and fetishes before sex
We all have fantasies about things we want to try in bed, but like we said before, communication is key. Trying to act out a random fantasy in bed before talking about it can lead to some awkward or weird mishaps.
Abby Devore, a senior at Temple University, says, “Vocalize fetishes and fantasies before just doing it. It will end up being a lot more enjoyable for the both of you.”
So, if you want to tie your partner up or try a seemingly crazy position, talk about your idea beforehand in order to have the best sex and to live out the fantasies in your head.
6. Try toys
There are sex toys for every type of person out there, whether you’re with a partner or by yourself. Bringing toys into the bedroom can be the answer to spicing up boring sex or can make sex a special occasion.
“If you haven’t used toys before, or are with a new partner, start with something small,” Kaitlyn says. “A clitoral stimulator or a cock ring are great starting points for adding a little more pleasure to sex without making you or your partner feel overwhelmed.”
You and your partner can both get pleasure from sex toys and finding out what’s missing from the bedroom can be your starting point. Whether it’s a fetish, a fantasy or certain pleasure you’re craving, sex toys can definitely help.
Sex should always be consensual, fun and an opportunity for you to get closer to your partner. If you find that sex is becoming boring and you’re not satisfied when it’s over, focus on what you can change. Sex can sometimes become routine, but now you have all of the tools to constantly have great sex.