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Sex + Relationships

5 Steps to Get the Non-Committer to Commit

It may seem hard to get a hook-up to commit, but no one said it was impossible! It may not even be that the person you want doesn’t want to be to be in a relationship—they may just be waiting for the right one. Now, there are plenty of rules that people may give you in order to make your crush commit, but we’ve simplified it for you! So stay engaged and take all of this in!

1. Make them earn it

How often do you see a person stick around if they get everything they want upfront? Not too often. Sometimes we have to make them know that we are the cream of the crop. We are looking for someone who is worth it and so are they. That means going for someone who is not necessarily the hardest person to stamp as yours, but also not the easiest person to get. When you can really wow someone and have them come back wanting more and more, you’ve reached the major key to relationship success. 

Jay Hurt, author of The 9 Tenets of a Successful Relationship, was in complete agreement with this tip. “Commitment requires dedication,” he says. “If you share your body, soul and mind but he’s not dedicated to you, you have given all of your value with no dedication required. A [person] can take everything you have to offer if you give yourself with no commitment.” People can easily give everything they have to offer away, but those that can hold onto something for a little longer may be the ones who you want to keep around and settle down with. 

What about a woman’s perspective? “Now, I know a lot of people think that guys want something that is so hard to get. I just don’t think that,” says Jasmine Coleman, a junior at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County. “I do think that guys don’t want to waste their time, though. If he is putting in the work to get to know you and trying to unpeel those layers, that’s funny, but he clearly wants you girl.” Don’t let them play games with you!

2. Make time with them fun

The journey on this quest to commitment can actually be one of the best parts. We know you may think that you have to go above and beyond to get the one you want, but the best way to keep them around is when the fun is effortless. You can tell when certain people just click and can have fun with each other, no matter what. Be adventurous, be daring and make memories that they won’t want to live without. We all love a great movie and dinner night, but you can also be the type to love go-karting, a crazy karaoke night or overlooking the city at its highest point. “Life has to be fun,” Hurt says. “None of us want a woman who doesn’t have a sense of humor and know how to enjoy life!” There are plenty of fun things you can do that will keep the one you want guessing. Get creative!

Jasmine mentions that when the thrill is present, you know they are meant to be yours. “I want to do some crazy things with this person,” she says. “Not saying I want to give all my secret adventures away, but if you have fun with me, I promise that you’ll never want to stop.” Once you show what you can offer, they may be too addicted to stop seeing you.

Related: When They Won’t Commit: How to Survive a ‘Not-Relationship’

3. Say you want them outright

At this point, there is no use in holding back how you truly feel about someone. Just spill the beans and tell him that you want him. Can you imagine all of the anxiety that you’ll get rid of when you tell him? Say goodbye to your conscience eating you away! While you are taking a while to tell them how you really feel, another person may be scheming to add your crush to their “future bae” list. Now, we clearly don’t want that. “Be open and honest and require that he be open and honest with you,” Hurt says. Plenty of us are looking for someone who isn’t afraid to be upfront and honest. If someone shares that they really want you, plenty of people may find that to be sexier than you think. 

“You should just make the first move, honestly,” Jasmine says. “You need to do the things to get what you want. Guys aren’t great at taking hints some times. They are black and white and need to see it very clearly. Just lay it out there,” she says. Sometimes you just have to scream how you feel. Well, not scream, but just get it off of your chest!

4. Build a bond with their friends

Some people think you can build a strong relationship with just you and the person you want to be with. A major key here is that it’s a deal breaker for many relationships if their friends don’t like you. By no means should you change your personality to match those of their friends, but if you all become cool, things can really take off with the one you’re pursuing. “When a guy’s male friends like you, he respects their opinion and therefore will hold you in high esteem,” Hurt says. And this goes for anyone. We listen to our friends and definitely care what they think of our crush. Fitting in well with the friends is always a good idea!

Jasmine values her friendships and what they think, and she hopes that the guy she wants does as well. “It should never be forced, but when the vibe is great, you can really benefit in getting your guy to commit. It is absolutely imperative that my friends like him and his like mine, or this may not work. It’s not worth the stress,” she says. This just creates a more stress-free environment and more fun for everyone. 

5. Be their stress reliever

Drop anything negative and show them that a long-term relationship with you is even better than just dating here and there! After a stressful day of school or work, they may want to hang out with you because you bring passion and excitement. If they feel like they’ll lose out, they won’t want to go anywhere else. “If class was long and boring or work was especially difficult, [someone won’t] want to entertain a woman who is nagging or has an attitude daily.” Hurt says. “Be someone your [SO] looks forward to talking to and seeing each and every day.” We don’t know about you, but whoever we want to be with we would hope is an upbeat, funny and exciting person who can take our mind off of all the negative things in life.

“I think it is amazing to have a stressful day, but when you see that person you want, it was like your entire day doesn’t even matter,” Jasmine says. “Someone who can make you laugh and clear your mind, they’re magical.” When you have the craziest day and one person can make it seem like it never happened, they are definitely a keeper.

Ultimately, we are sure no one wants to waste her time on someone who won’t commit. Take your time, follow these tips and see if you have what it takes to move your dream relationship from a casual fling to the person on your arm.

Logan is a senior at the University of Maryland - College Park. She is a Communication Studies major, focusing on Public Relations. She truly believes that you have to be bold enough to make the world the way you want it. She desires to inspire women from various backgrounds around the world and would love to have you along for the journey! Find her on Instagram @logantylerr
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