Being in a relationship comes with many challenges, and sometimes it’s hard to identify where some of those problems stem from. Everyone goes through ups and downs with their SO, but there could be something bigger making you feel uneasy about the status of your relationship. Before you make the decision whether or not to call it quits, consider these reasons you might be feeling unsettled.
1. You don’t see each other enough
Making time for one another is a big part of being in a relationship, but with school and work it can become just another thing you’re trying to balance. It’s hard to have a strong relationship when you don’t make sacrifices to see one another. “My fiancé and I have a tough time seeing each other even though we literally live 100 steps away from each other,” says Alexandra Blessing, a senior at Millersville University. “As super-involved seniors, we’re lucky if we can get more than three hours together. It’s very hard to cope with it, but we always reserve one day out of the week where we eat dinner together.” Don’t let a busy schedule ruin your relationship. Instead, plan out date nights that work for both of you.
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2. You’re having intimacy issues
Being intimate with your SO is a big part of being in a relationship, and it also seems to be one of the earliest signs of trouble when you’re feeling unsettled. “My boyfriend and I were not sexually compatible,” says Brittney Kane, a junior at Pace University. “I wasn’t sexually attracted to him, and even though relationships are more than just physical, it made things really difficult.” A lack of intimacy can hurt how close and connected you feel with your SO. It’s possible to be in a relationship that fulfills you emotionally, but not physically.
3. You’re stuck in the past
If you keep reminiscing and getting caught up in how things used to be that could be another sign that you’re feeling unsettled. The beginning of relationships are often referred to as the honeymoon stage, because it only lasts for so long. “As my relationship progressed I felt myself feeling uneasy about things and realized that I was focusing on how things used to be,” says Grace Lyons, a sophomore at William Paterson University. Relationships grow and so do the people in them, so if things aren’t like they used to be that doesn’t necessarily mean things are worse now. If you find yourself looking back to when you first started dating and how happy and in love you were, it might be time to talk things out with your SO.
4. You don’t give each other enough space
While it’s a problem when you and your SO don’t have enough time for each other, it can also be an issue when you spend all your time together. “During my freshman year, my (now ex) boyfriend and I literally did every single thing together and a lot of our issues stemmed from suffocating each other,” says Lauren McClure, a senior at the University of Wyoming. “Now, as a senior, I am finally secure enough to know when I need some space in my current relationship, and both of us let the other person do their own thing for a while.” Spending all your time together can lead you to lose track of who you are without your SO and make you feel unsure about whether or not to stay in the relationship.
5. You’re stressed about the future
There are so many different things college students worry about, but a future after graduation is definitely the biggest stressor. “Trying to plan out my future was causing me a lot of stress and anxiety which hurt my relationship,” says Caitlyn Spears, a senior at Oakland University. “When I realized stress was causing me to take out my frustrations in my relationship I was able to openly talk to my boyfriend about our issues.” Being stressed out can lead you down a path of making rash decisions and possibly shutting out the people in your life. If stress is creating a barrier in your life, be aware that it can also create one in your relationship.
No one’s relationship is perfect, and it’s normal to feel unsure about it sometimes. The important thing is that you try and recognize why you’re feeling unsettled. Identifying the problem is the first step and will help you find the right solution!