When you have sex for the first time, it’s inevitable that an endless flood of thoughts are going to be racing through your head. And don’t worry—that’s totally normal! Here are 29 thoughts that you are sure to have during your ~first time~.
1. Am I doing this right?
I’m afraid to ask.
2. Judy Blume definitely didn’t prepare me for this
I trusted you Judy!
3. Is it supposed to be this painful…?
Please tell me it gets better!
4. I hope I wore cute underwear today
5. I wonder if I’m naturally good at this
Let’s just hope I am.
6. Uh, I think I have to sneeze…
Hold it! Hold it!
7. How am I supposed to sneeze without this being weird?
Well this could get awkward.
8. This is nothing like the movies make it seem
Where is the background music?
9. I think I should have showered before this
I feel like a sweaty troll.
10. Is my philosophy paper due today?!
I need to check my email!
11. This is not what I expected sex to be like
Although I’m not sure what I expected.
12. I wonder if (s)he knows I’m not very experienced…
However, I am a good actress.
13. I can’t remember if I’m wearing deodorant or not
I hope to God I am.
14. What kind of sounds am I supposed to make?
I kind of sound like a dying whale.
15. If you think about it, sex is really weird
Like really, really weird.
16. What do I do with my hands?
OMG why am I so awkward.
17. This is uncomfortable
Let’s change positions ASAP.
18. How much practice would I need before I’m good at this?
Or before I actually start to enjoy it?
19. Are we going to have to share the bed after this?
I don’t think I can spoon and sleep at the same time.
20. I need to text my friends ASAP
They’re going to want details…
21. Is it is bad that I really want to check my phone?
It’s like I can’t find my lifeline.
22. I hope my feet don’t smell
23. Is it me or is this position kind of awkward?
Actually all of this is kind of awkward.
24. I think I’m starting to get tired
Don’t yawn. Don’t yawn.
25. Wow, they didn’t mention this in sex-ed
Thanks for nothing.
26. Is it supposed to take this long?
Because I really need to check my phone.
27. I’m kind of getting hungry
Is it normal to crave Chipotle after sex?
28. I don’t feel too different
Then again, I’m not sure how I feel.
29. I could see myself doing this again
And again. And again.