Name: Ted (Theodore) Burke
Age: 21
Class: 2014
Concentration: English Literature
What he’s good at: Cooking, Singing (He’s a Higher Key), Piano, Skiing and much, much more
Star Sign: Sagittarius
Hero: Sadie, his dog
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Name: David Jacobson
Born On: January 16th, 1992
Hometown: Boca Raton, Fl
Major: English
Height: 6’1
Favorite Sports: Basketball and Volleyball
Favorite Music: Hip-Hop, House, Jazz
Interests: Eating, Sports, Writing, and Music
Perfect first date: Home-cooked meal by the beach
Interesting Fact: I collected limited sneakers and vintage hats[pagebreak] Name: Jacob Keohane
Year: 2016
Major: English
Hometown: Farmville, VA
Greatest accomplishment: Some might say my greatest accomplishment is the first place prize I won from Columbia University in a national poetry competition last year, but I think it’s the first thing I wrote: a love poem to my third grade crush.
What are some activities you do around campus: I do ballroom dancing, and I’m in the Canterbury Association and IR club.
Do you have a talent: I’m a writer, in both poetry and prose. I’ve also dabbled in theatre, visual art, music and dance.
What’s your idea of a perfect Valentine’s Day date?
My perfect date would be a picnic under the D.C. cherry trees, but they don’t blossom in February.
Do you have a specific type/what do you look for in a girl?
Talkative and sporty is a plus. I only date feminists.
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Name: Andrew “Scandy” Randall
Graduation: 2016
Major: English
Favorite Quote: “I wanna say something. I’m gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don’t, send it right back. I want to be on you.” – Ron Burgundy
Favorite Place on Campus: My bed.
Relationship Status: Whatever I can get.
Dream Job: Professional husband to a very, very, rich woman.
What “type” of girl do you usually go for: I tend to live by the saying, “get chased, don’t chase.” But here’s how you’ll know if you have a chance:
– Hair: Prefer brunettes but willing to go blond
– Eyes: Yes, both eyes. You must have eyes.
– Personality: Outgoing, funny, not annoying, and not afraid to voice her opinion.
– SAT Scores: 1750 – 2100
– Mile: Under 8 minutes
Movie you could watch over and over: Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Anchorman, or Step Brothers
Best UMass Memory: Waking up next to Kim Giordano.
Most overplayed song on your ipod: Every Kanye West song.
Any hidden talents?
Yeah, but I still can’t find them anywhere. My body is really good at hiding them I guess.
[pagebreak]Name: Charlie Merritt
Nickname: Beers
Hometown: C-town
Relationship Status: Single
Major: Journalism and English
How are you involved on campus: Writer for the Maine Campus Sports Section
Favorite place to eat in Orono: OHOP past 1 am
Best Class: Any Class during syllabus week
How do you like to spend your weekend: With the people I like most, doing what we do best.
Boxers or Briefs: Briefs
Biggest Pet Peeve: When I know someone is lying
An embarrassing confession: A girl I had a crush on saw me pick my nose…I may have even been hungry…my memory is blurry.
Dream job: Fantasy football blogger and gambling expert.
Favorite Barstool Segment: “Does this look like the face of..”
Favorite song to dance to at a party: “Get Down on It”
Favorite food: Ranch Zones with a buzz on
Favorite sports team(s): Patriots, Celtics, Red Sox
Favorite Beer: Natural Light
How do you let someone know you’re interested in them: Not talk to them but wink from a distance, maybe facebook chat them.
What you want girls to know about you: I’ll make you laugh and laugh hard.
What you look for in a girl: A good personality that isn’t fake. Let’s have some fun.
Deal-breaker: Texting during dinner. Good rule: more than two text per meal and I’m not picking up the tab.
Celebrity Crush: Brookyln Decker
Boobs or Butt: Use to say boobs, but leaning towards butt as I get older.
[pagebreak]Name: Tim Morris
Hometown: Philadelphia, PA
Graduation Year: 2014
Major: English and Political Science
What are you most looking forward to this semester?
Spending spring break in Barcelona. Without a doubt, this trip will be the high point of my semester—everything is kind of building up to it, and everything that follows will just be a race to get home for the summer. I’m kind of curious to see how four years of high school Spanish will help me at the bars and cafés. Mostly, though, I’m just happy that some of my friends will be taking the trip with me. It’ll be a great experience to have and a taste of what studying abroad is like.
What clubs/activities are you involved in on campus?
Currently, I spend most of my time working on The Cowl as editor of the arts and entertainment section. Before I got involved with the newspaper, I already enjoyed writing about music. This position gets me into a lot of concerts for free and I’ve had opportunities to meet some of my favorite artists. Other than editing, I’m serving as treasurer for the Class of 2014. I also talk to students at Mt. Pleasant High School about college access and education.
What do you look for in your ideal girl?
All of the characteristics of Zooey Deschanel. Really, though, if she has a cute, sort of distant look to her, then I’m already attracted. Looking good in glasses gets her bonus points. When it comes to personality, she needs to be fluent in sarcasm. It helps if she has an unrestrained sense of humor. Too many girls leave the joke-making to the guys. Why do you think Chelsea Handler is so popular? The last characteristic I look for is honesty. Even if it’s not what I want to hear, a girl should be able to speak her mind.
What are your feelings about the Super Bowl this past weekend?
I don’t really have any, and not even because of the teams that were playing. It’s too gimmicky. The half-time show and Super Bowl commercials almost overshadow what millions of people turn on their televisions to watch: football. I don’t think there is any sort of show before, during, or after the World Series. Baseball is much easier to digest—especially if the Phillies are playing.
Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?
In a major city, either Philadelphia, Boston, or New York City. I want to practice law in the entertainment business. I’d like to represent actors, actresses, and musicians when they negotiate with major record labels—if they’re still around by that time—and movie producers. I hope to be doing charitable work whenever I can, too.
Anything else our readers should know about you?
I spend more time in Café 412 than I do in my own dorm room. If I’m not at 412, then I’m somewhere on Thayer Street.[pagebreak]Name: Jake Sigler
Year of Graduation: 2016
Major: Writing, Literature, & Publishing
Hometown: Yorktown Heights, NY
Status: Single
Sign: Virgo
Turn-ons: Determined, has a good sense of humor, and doesn’t take herself too seriously
Turn-offs: Conceitedness and selfishness
If you had to choose just five songs to listen to for the rest of your life, which songs would you pick?
1. “Semi-Charmed Life” by Third Eye Blind
2. “Sunday Morning” by Maroon 5
3. “Love Song” by 311
4. “Superman” by Five for Fighting
5. “Lose Yourself” by Eminem
Celebrity crush: Emma Stone. She’s pretty perfect.
Perfect first date: So long as it’s with Emma Stone, it would be perfect.
Best pick-up line: I don’t use pick up lines, but if I did it would be, ‘I’d use a line on you…but I’m too intimidated by your beauty.’
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
Aruba. Blue water, clear skies, no worries.
First thing you notice about a girl: Her eyes.
Three fun facts:
1. I have a tattoo of a quotation mark on my left shoulder.
2. I’ve been playing soccer since I was two.
3. I’m a poet. [pagebreak] Name: Chauncey McGraw
Age: 19
Major: Literature
Hometown: Hailey, Idaho
What I love about the UM:
I love the fact that there is so much to do here.
What are your interests:
I like hockey, Lacrosse, and reading
What do you look for in a girl:
What I look for in a girl is… someone with a good sense of humor, outdoorsy, and kind.
What I learned from my first heartbreak:
I learned that people shouldn’t change who they are no matter what.
Plans for the future:
My future plans are to be an English teacher and own a book store.[pagebreak]Name: Zach Connolly
Major: Writing, Literature, Publishing
Hometown: Westfield, NJ
Relationship Status: Single
What is your biggest turn-on/turn-off?
Turn-on: A girl who is witty and has long legs.
Turn-off: Narcissism and Hello Kitty accessories
Best pickup line: “Hey, I’m straight and I go to Emerson. What’s your number?”
What is your favorite place to relax?
Anywhere by the water
A celeb crush you’d be embarrassed to admit?
Helena Bonham Carter from Fight Club.
Worst date you’ve ever been on?
We went bowling. Enough said.
What is your #1 dream job?
Editor for Rolling Stone
In one sentence, describe your life motto:
“Never say no to adventure.” [pagebreak]
Name: Aaron Calvin
Age: 21
Class standing: Junior
Area of study: English/American Literature
Hometown: Waukee, Iowa
Campus involvement: Arts & Entertainment editor of The Chronicle
Hobbies: Writing, reading, making music
Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Making a living through writing
What is your idea of a perfect date? Spending the day at coffee shops and bookstores, then going to a quiet bar
First thing you notice about another person: Eyes
Biggest turn off: Ignorance
Most recent movie you’ve seen: The Constant Gardener
One thing you can’t live without: My laptop
Your favorite junk food: Auntie Anne’s pretzels
Who would you want to trade places with for a day? Lorin Stein
Describe yourself in three words: Wry, grumpy, drunk
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Name: Spencer Hayes
Age: 21
Major: English Literature, Minor in Philosophy
Hometown: Sacramento
Relationship Status: Single
Favorite TV Show: I would argue that Community is the best thing ever put on TV.
What you look for in a girl?
I really like women with a sense of humor, there’s something about laughter that is undeniably attractive.
Celebrity Crush: Like seemingly every other man I’m horribly infatuated with Emma Watson.
Biggest Pet Peeve:
I really hate when people think they have to act differently depending on who they’re with.
Favorite Travel Destination:
I really like the city of Seattle, there’s something oddly friendly about it.
Ideal Future:
Other than the obvious “I want everyone to be happy and not hungry, etc..” types of things, I’d really like a future that puts myself and an adult-sized racecar bed together. Seriously, those things are awesome.
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Name: Jonathan A. Wheeler
Age: 20
Year in school: Junior
Major: English Literature and Classical Humanities, minor in Business Legal Studies
Hometown: Chicago, IL
Relationship Status: Single
Campus Involvement: President of Diversity Affairs Council, ASG Secretary for Diversity Affairs, Academic Chair of Alpha Epsilon Pi fraternity
What’s your favorite….
Sport: Running
Restaurant: I don’t like eating in restaurants, but I like the food from Kona Bistro (Oxford), and the food from all of them in Chicago.
Movie: Tough! Almost any movie directed by Chris Columbus.
Novel: Even Tougher! Angels and Demons, DaVinci Code, Fahrenheit 451, Blink, and Great Gatsby
Historical figure: Toughest Yet! JFK, Thurgood Marshall and Pres. Roosevelt.
Describe your ideal date: Spontaneously deciding to go iceskating in Millennium Park on a cold, clear winter night.
What do you would you like to see changed on campus?
I would love to see Miami as a student body appreciate diversity much more than we do.