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Sex + Relationships

The 10 Things You Have to Accept About College Guys

You’re finally in college. You’re sick of the boys you dated in high school – they never took you on real dates, they didn’t care about their classes, and they had the maturity of your little brother. You’ve been waiting for what seems like forever to get to college and meet a whole new breed of boys! They’ll be smarter, more mature, they’ll probably wear a suit and tie every day… Well, before you get too excited in your daydreaming, keep reading. Unfortunately, the boys at college might not be much different than the ones in your classes back in high school. And whether it’s your freshman fall or your senior spring, a college guy is a college guy—read on for the ten things you have to accept about college guys:
 
1. They can’t/won’t pay.
Traditionally, the guy is supposed to pay on the first date – or at least that’s how it used to be. But in this day and age, especially in college, it’s not uncommon for guys to want to split the bill, or at least take turns paying (he pays this time, you pay next time, etc.). If you’re used to boys paying for you all the time, I’m sorry, but it’s just not going to keep happening. Try to understand it from the boy’s side though – he’s broke. Maybe he makes 8 dollars an hour, swiping kids into the dorms, for 10 hours a week, but that’s still not a lot of money, especially if he has to pay for his own rent, textbooks, food, etc. Let’s face it – you’re probably just as broke as he is, and you wouldn’t want to have to pay for his food, movies, and cab rides all the time… would you?
 
2. They bro out.
Whether or not they’ll admit it (some take pride in it, some are offended by the term), most college guys are “bros.” And that means they like to hang out with their bro friends. Bro + hang out = bro out. If the guy you’re dating tells you you’re his “first priority” (and that’s a big “if” – he probably won’t tell you that…), he’s lying. Most nights, he’d rather sit and watch football with his bros than go to dinner and a movie with you. You know that saying, “bros before hos?” Yeah, that’s real. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, though – it just means he likes his friends. And, either consciously or subconsciously, he’s probably thinking that he’ll be friends with his bros for longer than he’ll date you. So they’re at the top of his list. But as long as you’re ok hanging with his friends, and you don’t try to make them watch the Kardashians instead of the big game, your relationship will be fine.
 
3. They’re still mama’s boys.
Remember how until reading this article, you thought college boys were mature? Yeah, well it’s the same with their relationship with their mom – nothing changed in the three months between high school and college, and despite all his bro-ing out, he hasn’t gained much distance from his mom in his years of college either. If you’re lucky, you’ll date a guy whose house isn’t really close to school – because if it is, he’ll go home every weekend to “do his laundry” (a.k.a. visit his mom, and eat her home-cooked food). He’s probably used to her helping him make all of his decisions, so he’ll probably call her a lot to find out what he should do in different situations. On the bright side, guys who have a good relationship with their moms can often make the best boyfriends. But you’ll never be as important as his mom!
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4. They have rude friends.
But your guy probably won’t know his friends are rude. You would think that after all the effort you’ve put into getting to know your boyfriend’s roommates, they could at least look happy to see you when you come over. But that’s not always the case. They might not even say hi to you (until a commercial break), and they’ll likely yell or “shhh!” you if you talk while they’re trying to hear their precious ESPN anchors. And chances are, your boy toy won’t do anything about it, or even notice. The good thing is, it’s probably nothing against you – college (and most other) boys are just clueless. And his friends are probably a little jealous that you’re stealing their friend away from bro time to do “cute” things together, like snuggling.
 
5. They think “dating” you doesn’t have to include actual dates.
My longest relationship in college was a year and a half. How many times did that boy take me out to dinner? 3 times: Valentine’s Day, our 6-month anniversary, and our 1-year anniversary. Maybe he would’ve taken me out for my birthday too, but I was home for the summer so he got out of that one. We still had a lot of fun throughout the relationship, it just didn’t really ever involve going on actual dates… Your first date with a college guy will most likely be a meal at the dining hall, or watching a movie in his dorm room (he thinks you don’t know that’s code for wanting to hook up). Or you’ll just go to parties together, and not get any alone time until you get pizza together at 2am. And if he does every ask you out on an actual date, don’t write it in your planner in pen (try pencil), because if he realizes that day that he has an essay to finish or a midterm to study for, he’ll have to cancel on you.
 
6. They don’t make plans.
Besides the fact that they won’t ask you out on actual dates (unless a party counts as a date in your mind), or plan cute, romantic scavenger hunts for you, they literally don’t plan even 2 hours ahead, most of the time. They won’t know where they’re going on any given night until they’re halfway through pre-gaming in the dorms, chasing shots of vodka with Gatorade. And on weekends, they’ll usually either assume that a) you’ll want to go wherever they want to go, without asking, or b) you have a plan for the night, so they can just follow you. So if you want anything to be planned ahead, well, that’s all you, girl. And don’t plan on them being your date to the next formal – he doesn’t think that far ahead, and there might be a better party going on that night…
 
7. They’re messy.
You’ll probably know this one even before you see a college guy’s dorm room or apartment. You can see this just by glancing at a boy’s backpack in class – there are papers everywhere, nothing is organized, and it takes him 10 minutes to find any sort of writing utensil. So don’t expect his room to be any different. Clothes everywhere, empty beer cans and solo cups lined up on the coffee table from last weekend’s beer pong match, and a sticky floor are all things you should expect when you go to his place for the first time. His room might smell too. And expecting him to clean it up before you come over will just set you up for a big letdown when you get there. It’s not messy because he doesn’t have any time to clean it up – it’s messy because he didn’t want to clean it up. And chances are, he doesn’t even know how to clean, because his mom’s always done it for him.
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8. They won’t notice what you’re wearing.
Or your new haircut. Or any other small detail about you (what color are your eyes again?). So don’t buy fancy new clothes to try to impress him – if he likes you and thinks you’re attractive, it probably won’t matter what you’re wearing, as long as you look good in it. So save your hard-earned on-campus money and spend it on things that matter to you more, because spending it on expensive clothes and haircuts isn’t going to get you anywhere. If he doesn’t notice you wore your bangs to the side today instead of straight across, it doesn’t mean he’s not looking at you or paying attention to you. It just means he’s a boy. And he will tune you out if you talk nonstop about your clothes, hair, shoes, etc… so try to avoid that.

9. They’ll date your friends (after they date you – and before).
Yeah, he’s dating you now. But he’s also probably been keeping a little mental list of who your attractive friends are (he has to play wingman to his friends!), and that list won’t go away after you break up. If he’s mad after the break-up, he’ll use your friends for some revenge hook-ups (or at least try to). College boys will hook up with mostly anyone (that could be #11 on this list!), and if your friends are single and ready to mingle – well, then, the boys are ready to mingle with them. Hopefully, you have good friends, and they won’t give in to your ex’s attempts at hooking up with them.  But don’t put it past them. And when you get your eye on a new cutie, you should probably just assume that he’s already hooked up with one of your friends… because he probably has.
 
10. They can’t cook.
Unless you count Easy Mac, spaghetti, and microwave pizza. So don’t expect your boy to cook you dinner unless you’re really lucky. And if he does make you dinner – keep him around! He’s a rare breed… You see, as I pointed out in #4, college boys are mama’s boys, and since mom has always cooked for them, they never had to learn how to fend for themselves in the kitchen. On the bright side, if you know how to cook, teaching him could be a cute date!
 
Now, collegiettes™, you know all you need to know to dive into the college dating scene with gusto and realistic expectations! Luckily, most of these characteristics fade away with time – by the time you graduate, the boys will have reached at least the level of maturity you thought they’d have freshman year. For now, they might not be the smartest, the most caring, or the most mature… but learn to love college boys for what they are – fun! Of course, there are always a few exceptions – you might find a diamond in the rough of college guys. If you do, be sure to keep him around! Good luck!
 
Did we leave anything off our list?  Leave a comment!

Cassidy Quinn Brettler graduated from Emerson College in May. She's from Seattle, WA. As a major in Broadcast Journalism and Acting, Cassidy has done all kinds of things, including interning at NBC News in Los Angeles, anchoring and producing campus news shows, and even covering the Vancouver 2010 Olympic Winter Games! She was also the Merchandising Chair and PR/Social Media Chair of Alpha Epsilon Phi Beta Alpha Chapter, and is a huge fan of all sports. She's also a social media nerd, so if you can't find her outside jumping in puddles (like a true Seattle girl!), you can find her Tweeting from all over Boston. Since graduation, Cassidy's been searching for jobs, involving reporting, video blogging, and Tweeting - maybe even all at the same time...!
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