My natural hair journey has always been a roller coaster — ups and downs, twists and turns. It was never easy or simple. And when my hair started falling out in college, it forced me to face how to best care for my hair head-on.
Many Black women struggle with their natural hair — the level of maintenance can be time-consuming, and the hairstyles that many of us find cute can be truly damaging. Our gorgeous curls are a blessing, but there are days when the struggle makes them feel like a curse.
For a long, long time, I treated loving my hair as something I could put off. Loving my hair did not come naturally to me — it was something I resisted for a long time, even though it has always been a part of who I am.
My difficult relationship with my hair started early. From the time I was about 3 years old, my hair was constantly relaxed, permed, or chemically straightened. My mom always said I wanted my hair straight and never liked my curls. At the time, straight hair was the default — it was easier and more “presentable.”
Around middle school, I became obsessed with length. I would rather cling to damaged hair than give up the length I had. During this time, women of color gained more visibility in the media, especially on YouTube. I admired them deeply — women of color with gorgeous curls that I would die to have. The only issue? Those women were mostly light-skinned with loose 3A-3C curls. While, yes, it was representation, I didn’t have a true representation of dark-skinned women with the curl texture I had. Even when I wanted to love my natural hair, it was still tied to wanting curls that didn’t look like mine.
It was in high school that I really started my natural hair journey by transitioning instead of doing a big chop. Transitioning is when you grow your hair out, leaving your chemically straightened or dead ends, until it’s your desired length. Then, you cut your hair. When it comes to the big chop — cutting the majority of your hair off from the jump — cutting all my hair off went against every instinct in me, especially because I feared letting go of all the length I was able to achieve. The very thing I was so attached to.
When I did become fully natural, I liked it, until I realized that I didn’t really have the curl pattern that I wanted. I didn’t feel as beautiful, having Type 4 curls that aren’t always defined and love to shrink up regardless of how long your hair is.
Right before starting college, during the summer between senior year and freshman year at Hampton University, I wanted something new. I bought a box of Dark and Lovely hair dye and dyed my hair. At the time, I loved it. It felt like a fresh start, and a new version of myself before college.
What I didn’t understand was how much extra care dyed, natural hair requires. Yes, I watched videos that explained the basics of taking care of it, but bringing that into reality was a challenge. When I wasn’t wearing braids, my go-to natural hairstyles became slick backs or half-up, half-down styles. I would never wear it out because I feared shrinkage, so I never really embraced my curls or my texture fully. Plus, braids were easier and cheaper in the long run, and they saved me from looooong wash days. College was already overwhelming, and hair care felt like the least of my priorities.
My hair started showing signs of distress. It was constantly dry, no matter what I did. I ignored it. Between my classes, work, and trying to survive freshman year, deep conditioners and protein treatments felt like luxuries. I stuck to the basics even when they weren’t working for my hair.
By the spring semester, life was more difficult. The damage caught up to me. I had my usual braids in for longer than I should have. At an HBCU — especially as esteemed as mine — everyone’s hair always looks done: wigs, sew-ins, braids. I was terrified of walking around with my natural hair and feeling like I didn’t measure up.
When I finally took my braids out in the shower, chunks of my hair started falling out. I stood there in shock as I watched my hair come out into my hands and slip towards the drain. It felt like a nightmare.
My hair falling out was the result of months of neglect — especially after dyeing it. I wasn’t properly moisturizing, deep conditioning, or doing protein treatments — things my hair desperately needed. That moment really forced me to change.
Since then, I’ve completely shifted how I care for my hair. It’s been three years, and my hair has been the healthiest and longest it’s ever been. I educated myself more intentionally. I stopped relying on protective styles that weren’t actually protecting my hair and started wearing mini twists instead. Even though they’re not my favorite look, my hair thrives in them.
I still struggle with loving my tight curls. I still want length. I still feel insecure about wearing my natural hair out sometimes, but I’ve found alternative curly hairstyles to help me embrace my curls instead of straight hair.
And most importantly, I no longer punish my hair or myself for not being something else. Losing the majority of my hair in college forced me to start prioritizing health over length, and finally respect my natural texture.
In the end, my curls didn’t really change, but I definitely did.