I Did A Thing is our weekly advice column where the Her Campus editorial team helps you out when you ruin your own life (hey, we’ve been there). Email advice@hercampus.com for any and everything you need help with. We’ll answer you (anonymously!) on hercampus.com so we can all learn, together. We’ve got your back.
@collegevirgin: is it bad that i want to remain a virgin even though my bf wants to have sex?
@helpmehc: No, no, and no. It’s your body. Let me repeat that: this is your body. 100% yours. Fuck what anyone else wants with it, it’s yours. You’re the only one, ever, who gets to decide what you do or don’t want to do with it. If you decide you want to have sex with dozens of people, that’s cool. If you decide you literally never are ready to have sex, that’s cool. If you want to never have sex, and then you change your mind and want to have tons of sex, that’s cool. But it’s on your terms, not anyone else’s.
Sometimes it might feel weird to be a virgin in college, but the truth is that plenty of people are virgins in college. It’s a personal choice, and it’s really no one’s business but yours.
Now, how to talk about this with your partner can sometimes be messy. The best thing you can do here is be honest. Tell your boyfriend that you value your virginity, and that you don’t want to have sex any time soon unless you say otherwise. Then, let him figure out how he feels about it. If he’s the boyfriend you should have, he’ll be cool with it. If it’s not doable for him, it’s probably better for him to bounce and do his own thing.
Either way, though, this isn’t something you should feel like you have to compromise on. So often, women are left feeling like they owe their partners their bodies, and their sexual experiences, but that’s now how it should work. Your body is yours when you’re single, and your body is yours when you’re in a relationship, too.