How to Deal with People Who Keep Asking Why You Don’t Have a SO

The typical single college girl is asked about her relationship status an average of 500 times per day. Or, at least that’s what it can start to feel like. You’re thriving academically, satisfied with your squad, and beyond excited to start that summer internship you’ve been looking forward to all semester. So why is everyone worried about your single status?

For some reason, plenty of people think a collegiette’s love life falls into the same category of small talk as asking about where she goes to school or if she has any pets.  Female celebrities are all too frequently subjected to this same question on the red carpet instead of being asked about their accomplishments and have totally nailed the perfect witty response to shut down nosy reporters.   

Maybe, like Rihanna, you’re just not looking for that kind of thing right now. Or maybe you and your potential boyfriend/girlfriend are DTF but haven’t DTR’ed yet, and you don’t feel like explaining what that means to your grandparents at your fam’s barbecue. Whoever is asking, here’s how to address the situation and seamlessly transition into talking about that internship you just landed––or anything else that’s happening in your busy life as a single collegiette!     

Your hairstylist  

Your usual stylist at the blow dry bar was booked and you find yourself face-to-face with a complete stranger for nearly an hour.  There are only so many magazines to flip through, and your phone is about to die. It’s only a matter of minutes until they ask the question––and when you shake your head no, it’s time for the equally dreaded follow up.  Are you really about to explain your entire philosophy about the benefits of being single to them? Please don’t. Or delve into the saga of how you wound up in a super messy love triangle in a matter of weeks? Probably not.  After all, your stylist is just trying to make smalltalk, not become your therapist.  

You really don’t owe them any information about your personal life, but you also don’t want to snap at someone holding a curling iron two inches from your face and tell them to mind their own business. Instead, say that you’re way too busy for a relationship and start talking about something that really fills your schedule. But what if they push the issue? Lighten the mood with a joke by showing them that GIF of Rihanna and tell them that you don’t mind being compared to her!    

Your mom

You’ve been back home for all of five minutes and your mom has asked you about the new person she saw on your snap story a month ago multiple times. Of course, she’s not satisfied with the answer that you two are far from a thing––She wants to know why on earth you’re not a couple, and do they have a sibling your sister’s age? 

First, take a deep breath, and suggest she do the same. Maybe she’s worried that all your friends are in relationships and you’re the last single girl on campus. If that’s almost the case, tell her that you already experience all of your squad’s relationship drama firsthand and have no intention of getting involved in that anytime soon. Don’t go overboard on the gossip, but mention something that’ll make her think twice about wishing you were in the same situation.  

How to avoid being bombarded with SO talk at all? Keep your mom updated on what’s going on in your dating life during the semester. Meet someone new? Let her know! Went on a fabulous first date? Give her the details! Well, maybe not all the details. She probably has some fun guy-related stories to share from her time in college, and the sooner you get her talking, the sooner you can stop talking about your own love life.  And, when she’s done, don’t forget to remind her that its time to go blazer shopping for that new internship!  

Your squad

Right now, your friends could be dating any one of these seven types of guys. But the guy you’ll hear the most about? The one they want you to go out with!  

They might be thinking about how much more fun it would be to go on double dates instead of always making you the default third wheel. In that case, tell them that an all-girls spa day sounds just as fun and make it happen. If they decide to spend their entire mani-pedis pestering you about why you refuse to get cuffed?  Remind them that not sticking a label on the person you've been seeing doesn’t make spending time with them any less fun.

Or maybe your entire squad is single, and they want you to be the one to switch up the usual hook-up centric brunch talk with some good, wholesome couple stories––even though you’re really not feeling the whole relationship thing right now. Try playing matchmaker for one of your more introverted friends and set her up with someone super sweet. Chances are, she’s only so obsessed with your relationship status because she isn’t happy with her own. And once she’s coupled up, it won’t be your responsibility to bring the relationship talk to the table!   

Related: The 15 Most Annoying Things Single Girls Are Tired of Hearing

Your grandma 

When you were twelve and had your first major middle-school crush, your grandma probably told you to stay far, far, away from them. Now it seems like she’s counting down the days to your wedding. Wait, what? 

Don’t freak out. Stay calm and tell her just how busy that cool new summer job keeps you. Even if you’re really not looking for a guy, reassure her that if you had the time, you’d be interested in going on a date or two.  

And if your squad is single too, Let her know! When she was your age, it was probably way more common (read: basically required) for girls to be seriously paired up, and even controversial for them to admit liking being single. Tell her about how you like to spend your limited free time with your girlfriends, and mention the cute brunch place you went to last weekend.  

But what if she refuses to let the subject drop? If the question becomes so common that it starts to feel like you can’t have a conversation without her judging you by your relationship status, mention the situation to your mom or an aunt. They might be able to reassure her that there’s nothing wrong with you being single and help change the topic quickly next time she brings it up.    

Guys

Every so often, the dreaded question is going to come from a guy. Is it a backhanded compliment, implying that as fabulous as you are, you’d be better off if you had a SO? Or is he genuinely curious, wondering what might convince you to consider giving him a chance?  

If you’re into him, this is the perfect time to let it slip that you just haven’t met anyone that you really liked yet––and ask for his number.  Of course, if you’re not looking for anything serious, don’t lead him on. Be as honest with him as you would want a guy to be with you when it comes to relationship expectations. 

And if you just want him to mind his own business? Tell him you just don’t want a boyfriend right now, and that’s all he needs to know. Don’t let him pressure you into divulging more information than you feel comfortable. If he persists, ask him about his relationship status––Why doesn’t he have a girlfriend? Maybe because he thinks that being nosy is a good way to get one. 

 

Gabriela lives in New York City, where she studies psychology and creative writing at Columbia University. She is a feature writer and style writer for Her Campus National. She also covers The Bachelorette and is the one behind all those snarky tweets you see on the Her Campus twitter page every Monday night. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter.

You Might Also Enjoy