If you’re anything like us, one of the most frustrating situations is watching your friend pine over a guy or girl that is obviously just not that into them. Even when these signs are like blaring lights to you, it seems as though your friend has an excuse for every single red flag you bring up. However, can we ever blame them? We can almost all say that we’ve all been blinded by love once or twice. Sometimes it’s hard to see that someone is just not that into you when you’re so infatuated with them. It’s easy for us to ignore all the red flags and pick out the small things they may do to support the fact that they could be into you. If you sometimes have trouble taking a hint, here are some signs that they’re just not that into you.
1. You always initiate the conversation
We’ve all heard of the guys and girls that play hard to get and hate to “text first,” but playing hard to get is a game that can only last so long. When someone is actually into you, you shouldn’t be the only one initiating conversations. Even the biggest player will end this game when it comes to someone they’re really into.
Vanessa Le, a junior at the Columbia University, couldn’t agree more. “If someone is really into you, they’ll find some way of starting a conversation with you,” she says. “Whether it’s asking about a homework assignment or just bringing up an old conversation, it’ll be clear that they want to talk to you.”
Now that’s something we can relate to. No matter how obvious it may seem, sometimes when we are the ones that are constantly initiating conversations, we may not even notice that they never seem to start conversations. Think to yourself, if you stopped putting in so much effort, would y’all still be talking?
2. Your conversations are dry and one-sided
Now that we’ve gotten past initiating the actual conversation, it’s time to consider the quality of the interaction that you guys are having. When it comes to texting, phone calls or even personal interactions, it’s pretty clear when a conversation seems to be mostly one-sided. If you’re the only one asking questions only to receive dry answers, he/she is probably not that into you.
Fayna Zeng, a junior at the University of Texas at Dallas, says that this is a big indication someone is not into you. “When a guy/girl is really into you, he/she will always be interested in what you’re saying. He/she will not only answer in depth but he/she will also take the time to ask you questions.”
We couldn’t agree more. When someone wants to start a relationship with you, he or she will undoubtedly want to know every single thing about you. Since communication is a key factor in starting a relationship, if the conversation isn’t flowing naturally, it’s probably not a good fit anyway.
3. They never initiate a hang out
Even with the advanced technology we have today, nothing will ever beat real, genuine, face-to-face interactions. Text messages, phone calls, Snapchat, or even FaceTime can’t compete with actually taking the time to hang out with someone. When a guy/girl doesn’t ever ask you to hang out in person, it’s pretty clear that he or she is not interested enough to take time out of a busy day to get to really know you.
Sarah Siddiqui, a junior at the University of Texas at Austin, thinks this is a huge indicator. “Whether it’s a guy/girl, there’s no real rule about the guy having to initiate hanging out first. With either gender, it’s clear that if the person is interested in you, they’ll either ask you to hang out in person or they’ll hint at it.”
It’s as simple as that. It’s easy to add a little “yeah we should go try that out sometime” or “let’s go there soon” to simple conversations. If they’re into you, they’ll make the effort. Having that time to get to know each other in person is a big sign that they’re interested in seeing how you guys connect in real life.
4. They never give you a definite answer
So let’s say that you do have the courage to ask the person of interest to hang out. How they respond is also a huge indicator of whether or not they’re into you. If he/she always leaves you with wishy-washy answers like “maybe,” “we’ll see,” or “I’ll let you know,” it’s pretty clear that you’re not a big priority. Most of the time, when they are unsure about their answers, they are either just trying to be nice or they’ll wait to see if something better comes along.
Allyson Short, a sophomore at the Purdue University, thinks this is a huge one. “When someone is into you, they’ll always make time for you,” she says. “The fact that you ask them to hang out will undoubtedly get them really excited and they won’t wait to say yes. If they’re truly busy, they’ll make plans for another time.”
We couldn’t agree more. It’s obvious that when someone is truly interested in dating you, they’ll drop everything to hang out with you. Whether they have other plans with friends or wanted to stay in and rest, they’ll drop it all when you initiate some sort of hang out. Never take a wishy-washy answer as a good sign no matter how into them you are.
5. They aren’t prioritizing you
One of the biggest yet hardest decisions to make is deciding whether or not he/she truly prioritizes you and makes you happy. If you feel as though they make you sadder than happier, it’s clearly not a good sign. When someone is really truly interested in starting a relationship with you, especially at the beginning, they’ll do everything to win you over. If they’re already acting like you’re a second choice, chances are, you probably are one.
Thalia Carrillo, a senior at New York University, says this is a good thing to think about. “Sometimes you just have to sit down and think about whether you think he/she treats you right. Someone who really likes you won’t ever hurt you on purpose. If you find yourself getting exhausted trying to get him/her to pay attention to you, they aren’t into you enough.”
We think that’s some great advice. We know, it’s hard to think about whether he/she makes you happy or not when you’re super into them, but deep down you should be able to tell whether or not he/she prioritizes you enough. The keyword here is “enough” in that he/she shouldn’t be putting in minimal effort. When starting a relationship, it should not feel like you’re constantly chasing them.
Related: 4 Scientifically Proven Ways to Communicate Better with Your SO
When it comes to someone you really like, it’s often hard to see the obvious signs that everyone else may be seeing. Even though you may know deep down whether or not they’re into you, we often try to defend the people we are infatuated is. However, at the end of the day, it’s important to remember that someone who is truly into you will do everything they can to win you over. If you’re constantly wondering about his/her feelings towards you, sorry, but they’re probably not that into you.