I am a woman. I am me. I am me because I am a woman.
Sometimes, I think that I shouldn’t define myself by my curves, my patience, or my delicate features.
Sometimes, I think that I shouldn’t judge myself for my less than feminine voice, my boyish style.
Sometimes, I don’t want to dress up, do my makeup, or pretend to smile.
Sometimes, I feel pretty when I’ve just woken up.
Sometimes, I can be me.
Women are unique. We experience our own hurdles specific to only women. People will try to define us, categorize us, label us, and put us in boxes. We cannot be defined by others. It is up to each of us to discover who we are and how we want to share ourselves with others. I have accepted this; I’ve even grown to appreciate it. I have found beauty beneath my skin which has enabled me to see value in myself.
In this way, I see my vibrance for, my importance in, and my devotion to life every time I look in the mirror. For me, this is the truth, and, for me, this is love.
Unfortunately, it took me 28 years to understand myself this way, and many women may never. Our experiences as women can be anything but motivating. It is only in the way that we choose to understand these experiences that we gain strength and see beauty in our uniqueness.
In our lives, most women will experience stress related to impossible beauty standards set by other women, impossible beauty standards set by men, social pressures to get married and have children, judgements regarding their femininity or how they fit a profile of feminine ideologies and female gender roles. Their traumas will make them more vulnerable and susceptible to abuse and harassment.
After we have experienced the endless list of ways we are degraded, we are expected to still smile because a woman who doesn’t smile is bitchy. But we can’t smile too much or people will think we are flirting. And if we don’t flirt then we are too aggressive. If we are not aggressive enough then others might take advantage of us.
The pandemic was a shifting point for me. I had no choice but to sit with myself. I didn’t have to dress up, pretend to smile, or filter myself for anyone. I had a globally accepted excuse to avoid people, not date, and say no without feeling guilty. For two years, I spent time with myself, and I got to think about why I ever did any of these things for other people or why they accepted that. It made me really focus on who I wanted to be and what it meant to be me.
To some extent, all women will experience these and other hardships at any point in their lives, in addition to those inherent to being human. It is never okay, but it is a reality that we must face. In all these experiences, the one thing which has remained constant is the influence of strength women exude.
If we can look to strong female leaders for strength and encapsulate that strength for ourselves, we can take a stronger approach to these situations and lead a new narrative of what it means to be a woman.
If you do not have a powerful woman in your life to look up to it is important that you be that woman for yourself and others. Find mentors who speak up for women, like Jameela Jamil, Michelle Obama, and Emma Watson. Read inspirational poetry from Audre Lorde and Maya Angelou, or learn about the activistic works of Emmeline Pankhurst, Bell Hooks, Coretta Scott King, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Angela Davis.
Use their influences to learn as much as you can from them, become your best version of yourself, and find your confidence.