As you probably know, Valentines Day is coming up. A day that separates the happy couples and the sad lonely singles. If you are among the latter, you’re probably wondering what you’re doing wrong and how you can change your ways and snatch yourself a valentine… Unless you’ve already realized that you’ve done nothing wrong and there’s nothing sad about being single!
Even so, you may find yourself being into someone who isn’t feeling it with you. If your crush doesn’t like you back, don’t feel bad, Bey sang a whole song dedicated to asking why (this is of course before she dropped Formation and slayed our lives)
You may have beauty, style, class, and ass but there are many other factors that play into who we choose to be with. The majority of what attracts us to other people is rooted in our subconscious psyche. Recent psychological research finds that your interests, upbringing, and hormones determine whom you are attracted to. So, if that special someone isn’t your valentine this year there may be some reasons to explain why.
1. If you don’t have similar personalities
This may seem pretty obvious but contrary to what people seem to believe, opposites do not attract as often as we think. Several classic and recent studies continuously show that we end up with people who are similar to us. This is shown in terms of physical attractiveness, similar beliefs, age, religion, education, and intelligence. One theory that explains why this happens is that liking someone who is similar to us confirms our beliefs about ourselves. Although we may find a partner who is different than us in many ways, research shows that only certain similarities are important in successful relationships. It’s not similarity in something like political beliefs that really matter, but similarity in personality and emotions that make a difference in a romantic relationship. Unless they support Donald Trump, then that matters, and you should stay away.
2. If you don’t remind them of their opposite-sex parent
Also known as “Oedipus Complex.” This is a really fun fact to think about when you’re on a date with your significant other, and they make a corny joke that forces you to think of your dad because it’s totally something he would say – and for a brief moment you’re slightly mortified. Studies find that we are attracted to people who not only act like our opposite-sex parent but look like them too. For example, having the same hair colour and eye colour. In addition to that, the age of our parents determines how old we prefer our partner to be. If you were born to older parents (30 or older) you are most likely to be attracted to age cues and vice versa.
So, if that special someone doesn’t like you, maybe you just don’t look enough like their mom…
3. You don’t smell good to them
You might not smell bad necessarily, but different people are attracted to different smells and maybe your brand just isn’t doing it for them. I’m sure we all witnessed the awkward group date on the Bachelor when Ben took the girls to the love lab and then proceeded to call Sam “sour” when referring to her smell. That sucked. But it’s true, the nose actually knows! Each person gives off certain scents and hormones that attract others.
4. They haven’t seen you smile
Studies show that people are attracted to happy people. When someone is smiling it gives the impression that they are happy. Surprising, right? Also unfortunate news for those of us plagued with resting bitch face. But don’t be too ashamed of your ice grill, it might keep people away but sometimes there’s certain people who you want to stay away, so I wouldn’t change a thing.
5. You don’t look like them.
We humans are very self-centered. We look for ourselves in everything. Because of this, we tend to be attracted to people who look like us. In a really funny psychology study, researchers at the University of St. Andrews asked men and women to rate the attractiveness of several faces. Included in these faces were pictures of the subjects’ own faces that were digitally morphed into the opposite sex. Guess which face the participants found most attractive…
6. You don’t wear enough red clothing
People tend to perceive women wearing red clothing as more attractive than any other colour. Some theorize this is because women tend to turn red naturally when they are aroused so it is attractive to heterosexual men. Well, there’s no better time to wear red than on Valentine’s Day. Next time you go somewhere you know your crush is going to be, ditch the black outfit and consider replacing it with a red one. Or don’t, because you’ll rock whatever colour you wear anyways.
7. You don’t see them enough
Out of sight, out of mind. Proximity plays a big role in attraction. Not only will bumping into that person you like get you physically noticed by them, but people also are more likely to feel closer to you when they see you a lot. Do you ever see the same stranger more than once and think that the universe is trying to tell you something? This might be why.
8. You haven’t told them you like them
A lot of these studies focus on an individual’s own perception of themselves and how they reflect that onto other people and in their relationships. If you tell someone you like them they would most likely feel flattered, making them feel good and then associating those positive feelings with you. Reciprocal liking means that we’re attracted to people who like us back. So, if you still have some time before V-day, go take a chance and tell that person you’re vibing them, odds are they’ll probably like you back!
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