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This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Yale chapter.

Yes, we’re going to talk about it. An orgasm is obviously what I’m referring to, the he-who-must-not-be-named of sex. It’s a subject that is so taboo and yet has no reason to be. But even worse, we’re all too familiar with the concept of faking them. Countless articles exist that teach people how to successfully fake an orgasm. But since when can those of us who have experienced an orgasm consider ourselves the lucky ones? Since when are people okay with remaining orgasmically unsatisfied? Stop the complacency, I say.

I’ve heard it all too many times on campus–students/people admitting, even ones in long term relationships, that they’ve never experienced an orgasm. That their partner has no idea that this is the case. That they are too afraid to tell them for fear of disappointing them. But why? Why have people remained in such a complacent state for so long that it has become normative and not even a reason for concern? How might we be able to change this mindset?

There are a plethora of reasons that someone might not experience an orgasm. People worry about their partners–they want them to have an orgasm but, more importantly, people fear disappointing them and hurting their self-esteem if they found out their partner had been faking it all along. Some people are unaware of what turns them on, of what might get them to that point of climax. Sex just might not be enjoyable for some. Others might be insecure and afraid that something is wrong with them. It could even be attributed to a more serious, medical cause that they’re unaware of. Regardless, orgasms are not something that should be pushed under the rug–this is something to deal with now.

When a partner is afraid to reveal that they have been faking it, or that sex isn’t pleasureful enough for them to have an orgasm, the easiest way to solve this issue is communication. Easier said than done, I know, but every relationship relies on strong and open communication, anyway. You don’t need to feel uncomfortable bringing this up to your partner–they may be disappointed and hurt at first, but opening this line of communication will ultimately improve your sex lives in general. When orgasms come into play, sex of any sort becomes almost irresistible. So, put your fear and insecurity away and commit to your orgasm. Commit to yourself.

 When it comes to faking it due to a lack of pleasure, the solution is practice. Orgasming doesn’t come easily to everyone, and practice makes perfect! This requires you to step out of your comfort zone a bit and if your partner is involved, for you to encourage them to do the same. It’s time to get creative. Try new positions. Invest in some lube. Spend more time on foreplay. Purchase a vibrator. Have sex every single day for an entire month. Try new ways to determine what turns you on the most. Ideally, your partner will be just as eager to try new things because, regardless of the orgasm outcome, it will liven up your sex lives and make the experience more fun. At the end of the day, that takes priority over an orgasm.

However, the problem of orgasms can stem from something far more serious. When in doubt, take the issue to your doctor or gynecologist. Whether it’s a medical problem or not, they’ll be able to help. 

The most important thing to remember if you, like so many others, still haven’t lost your orgasm-virginity, is to not be insecure or embarrassed about it. Fill your partner in to make it a task you complete together. Explore your adventurous sex side and commit to discovering what turns you on. Committing to eradicating complacency with faking it is committing to your own pleasure, your relationship, and an understanding of your own body.


Lauren Drysch is a junior at Yale University majoring in psychology and neuroscience. She is from Orange County, CA. In her free time, Lauren is a member of Yale's varsity track team. She loves to read, workout, and is a huge French language and history enthusiast.