This is an opinion piece. All thoughts and views are of the author.
Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, #NotAllMen continues to prevail. With an increase in women coming public about their catcalling experiences, many people are willing to jump to their aid and condemn the actions of those doing the harassment. We’re all good people, after all. We know that you shouldn’t say inappropriate or threatening comments to others, and we know that we, I, me, personally, I would never do that to someone. I’m a good person. We all are. But if we’re such good people, why does the argument of “not all men” still weasel its way into the discussion?
The basis of a not all men argument is that, while acknowledging what you, the victim, went through, we also need to keep in mind that not every guy behaves that way. So think twice before you generalize your experience by saying that you no longer trust, like, want to be around, think about, experience men. That statement is harmful and excludes the many men who would never behave poorly because not all men are like that. It sounds like a legitimate response, doesn’t it? But there are a few problems with it.
Firstly being that ‘not all men’ pulls the attention away from the victim and onto the group under question. Like the popular @birdsrightsactivist tweet, there’s an inability to listen to who needs it the most, the victim:
This only hurts the victim. A sensitive moment requiring sympathy and empathy, where an action plan should be put together on how to deal with this in future situations, gets turned on its head. Men who are claiming that they wouldn’t behave that way now take the attention and require their feelings be padded because they just can’t believe, the gaul, the notion, the simple insinuation, that they would even stoop to that level, and this leaves them heartbroken and ashamed. We know, they weren’t called out specifically. In fact they may not even be related to this situation directly; but your wide sweeping generalization is uncalled for, thus turning the victim into the harasser.
Secondly, it very well may be every single man. When verbal or physical harassment happens frequently it makes every single person a possible attacker. The man on the corner could suddenly approach and start asking for your number no matter how many times you say no, the man driving by could honk his horn and yell something inappropriate out of the window then whistle while he leaves the damage behind. A man who saw you in the grocery store could follow you to your car and follow you home. If someone experiences catcalling or a general harassment situation at least once a week, every single person becomes the enemy.
Summed up well by The Frogman after the University of California, Santa Barbara shootings:
Men who know that they wouldn’t behave that way will not take offense when a victim declares her abstinence from masculinity. They already know they wouldn’t commit an atrocity, so why would they spend their time convincing everyone they know? I’m a good guy! I swear! I would never do that! No one thought you would, because you are such a good guy, but if you need to reinforce it maybe you aren’t such a nice guy after all. If those around you need aid in coming to a final judgment on whether or not you would harass another person, there’s a chance you don’t get to fall under the good guys list.
Declaring ‘not all men’ is how the bad apples slip into our bountiful fall harvest. It gives the men who would harass women the opportunity to say they aren’t the bad guys. They can hide the bruises and torn skin with a quick spit shine and show off their good side: Look at me! Not all apples are bad! And I’m not bad at all! I don’t see any holes, I am picture-perfect and ready to be placed on a teacher’s desk! They no longer get to have the forced discussion with themselves on whether or not they would behave poorly. It’s an escape route from responsibility.
Lastly, when the tables are turned, the responses are vastly different. Discussed in an article by Leah Green in The Guardian she explored what happened when catcalling happened to men instead. The general verdict? They were confused and shocked by what was happening. They weren’t scared, they didn’t enjoy it, they were merely puzzled by the events at hand. Green’s argument is that, “The men’s disbelief mirrors the disbelief we all should still feel when such acts of everyday sexism happen to women; their surprise reminds us this should not be taken as a compliment, or brushed off, or tolerated.”
No matter what time it is, what the weather is, and what gender a person identifies as, catcalling and street harassment is never acceptable. #NotAllMen removes responsibility from current and would be assaulters and doesn’t progress the movement forward. It allows perpetrators to hide behind their good guy belief and reinforces victim blaming.