Since the release of the popular book saga and film, Fifty Shades of Grey has brought the idea of BDSM to public light.
BDSM stands for bondage, dominance, and sadomasochism. However the terms vary and extend to include:
· Bondage and Discipline (B&D)
· Dominant and submissive (D/s)
· Sadism and Masochism (or sadomasochism) (S&M)
· Master and slave (M/s)
The term BDSM came about in 1969 but until now it was a very taboo form of sexual activity. It is true many find BDSM taboo and abusive, but my guess is those people just don’t understand. SO let’s try to understand.
Why might people like BDSM?
BDSM involves the idea of pain for pleasure. Scientifically it makes sense, when sexually aroused your nerves respond to pain in a similar way as they do to pleasurable touch, by releasing endorphins in the brain.
In terms of dominant and submissive the pleasure of this comes from a base of having control and letting go. The dominant has control over the submissive. The level of control can range from suggestion to complete control. Having control over someone means you can have them pleasure you or you can pleasure them, all while fulfilling the selfish nature we all have. The submissive is controlled or acted upon; the pleasure that comes from letting go, having no power, and trusting your dominant.
What you didn’t know about BSDM.
Although it is portrayed as such in porn and in Fifty Shades of Grey, BDSM originally did not involve intercourse. Originally BSDM was a form of foreplay that sometimes but not very often led to sex.
Just because someone is in a relationship that includes BDSM as an intimacy practice does not mean they are in an abusive relationship. BDSM and the BDSM community plant themselves firmly in consent. Consent is the most important aspect of any sexual interaction and just because BDSM goes beyond social sexual standards does not mean it goes beyond consent. To maintain consent and safety while still maintaining roles, couples develop safe words to indicate when something is uncomfortable, unwanted, or needs to stop immediately.
BDSM in your Bedroom
If BDSM sounds appealing to you do not be afraid to explore it just because some view it as taboo or different. Make sure to discuss it with a partner first before engaging in any BDSM tactics. Establish safe words. And make sure that there is a mutual understanding of trust and what both you and your partner are comfortable with. Start slow, you don’t want to jump directly into the unknown but walk in confidently. Start with spanking and work up to paddles. Start with cloth bounds and work up to handcuffs.
BDSM isn’t something to be afraid of or sneer at; it is just another form of pleasure. It isn’t for everyone and that is fine. Pleasure is pleasure; go find yours.