It’s the common, tragic phrase: “Nice guys finish last.” It makes the claim that guys who are considered sweet or wholesome get passed over or friend-zoned by the girls they admire; given the belief that women always go for the bad boy.
But is this really true?
The fact is, there is a lot of assumption behind the phrase that could use a dose of reality.
First off, I’m sorry to shatter your notion, boys, but most girls do not go for what would be considered a “bad boy.” The majority of girls do not what a guy who will intentionally treat them badly or hurt them. Ninety-five percent of the time, the girl does not enter a relationship hoping that the boy will treat her badly. Believe me, girls are not born masochists. We do want to be treated with respect and most of the time a relationship turns bad over time, not right away. This idea that girls only want a bad boy is just an oversimplification. In reality, girls want a guy who seems like an adventure, like something exciting. Sometimes this adventurous nature can be translated into recklessness; leading to the idea that we want a “bad” boy.
Secondly, being considered a “nice guy” does not make you a perfect guy. Morals and manners do not make up the whole of a healthy relationship. People can be good natured and kind, but just not have chemistry or may have different ideals. Everyone knows that our public persona is always a little different from how we behave when we are very close to someone. Therefore, some people tend to fall in love with the persona that they see of the other person. Once this is stripped away and we are revealed to have faults, things get complicated, but this unmasking is the part that makes being in a relationship and getting to know someone truly special. After all, we are letting them see the real us; who we are behind closed doors. And, don’t we want someone to be attracted to us for who we are rather than how we present ourselves?
Speaking from personal experience, in my few relationships, I noticed that I always said the same thing after the breakup. When someone would ask me why my significant other and I broke up, I always said, truthfully, “They are a nice guy, but just not a good boyfriend.” This isn’t meant to be harsh, it is just that in terms of what I needed for a supportive relationship was not met. This does not make my ex’s bad people, it just meant we weren’t right for each other. And here’s the thing: they are all nice guys. I do not wish ill will on any of them. But the fact is, us being a “nice couple” did not keep us happy and did not keep us together.
Finally, while you may feel like girls pass you up, please remember, no one is obligated to date you. (Just as you are not obligated to date anyone as well.) Some boys (and girls) have adopted the mindset that “you should give me a chance because I’m a nice guy.” But the truth is, no one gets to force anyone into relationships or romantic encounters. (And if a “nice guy” tries to force someone to be with him, chances are he’s actually not a nice guy!)
And besides, someone should give you a chance because they want to and admire you, not because they feel like they have to. Someone turning you down does not make them heartless, nor does it make them stupid. If you turn someone down, it does not make you heartless or an idiot. If anything, it means they have enough respect to not waste your time or get your hopes up.
So please, nice guys, remember that respect is the number one thing you should have and if that means you finish last, then the right ones for you will still be there for you at the finish line. (And it will be worth the wait) So don’t give up hope and don’t let rejection turn you bitter. And girls, remember that no guy is perfect and to let your heart (and your head) decide who you go out with.
Stay Classy, Ladies!