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Been There, Done That: A Heart in Conflict

Have you ever been in a place where you like someone?

What about liking more than one person at the same time?

If you’ve been there, don’t worry. I’ve been there, too. And if you’ve been there, too, then you understand that, even if you’re not with one of them, or both of them, this is a difficult place to be. If you’re like me, you may think that you’re cheating on one of the guys, or both of them, even if you’re not dating.

I can tell you this: I have been single and liked two guys at one time, and I have been in a relationship and liked more than one guy at once. It feels AWFUL. In my mind, I felt like I was cheating on the guy I was with by having a better emotional relationship (one that I needed from the guy I was dating) with the guy that I wasn’t dating. To make matters even worse, the other guy was with someone too, and I knew that he felt what I felt, to a certain degree. We both were justifying what we were, we were justifying our inappropriate relationship, our faithfulness to each other and our infidelity to our significant others. Nothing physical ever happened, but emotionally is, in my opinion, even worse.

Maybe this blog should have been titled “Feel better in 150 words or less!”

So what do you do when you’re in that spot? How do you pick the right guy?

First, give it time. Matters of the heart have a way of settling not-so-subtly, so time will tell you all you need to know.

Second, flirt it up. While you’re trying to figure things out, use your womanly awesomeness and have a great time. You can figure out a lot about chemistry with someone through flirting. My boyfriend and I hit it off and flirted very well together from the first time we met.

Third, don’t stress. Some of your girlfriends will try and make you feel bad for liking two guys at once, but if you’re single, it’s totally! I stopped worrying about being single and liking two guys at one time after a talk with my brother. I asked him if he had ever liked more than one girl at once and what I should do about it. He says, it’s fine. He’s been there, and you just go with the first person to act or show interest.

Fourth, give these quotes some thought:

When at conflict between mind and heart, always follow your heart,”(Swami Vivekananda) because “Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye” (H. Jackson Brown, Jr.).

Judy Garland gave us some great advice as well. “For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.” The advice we can take from this is to find or pursue the person who whispers to your heart and kisses your soul. Find someone who lets you be truly you, and inspires you to be more than you are, to be the best you that you can possibly be. Once you find that person, hold on to them, love them with your whole heart. Have you ever been in a place of liking more than one person at once? What happened? Did you choose one of them? Cute stories, stories of experience, whatever are welcome!

2015 graduate, and part of the founding HerCampus WVWC team, Stephanie now works as a Technical Writer for a technology contractor in Bridgeport, WV. Stephanie married her husband, JR, in October 2014, and together they have one toddler girl who is stealing their hearts and sanity one day and one dumped bowl of crackers at a time.
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