Recently I found myself in a situation that I didn’t even think could exist. I met a guy- lets call him Dan for the sake of privacy. Dan is smart, funny, kind, ambitious, supportive, all of the qualities that you look for in “Mr. Right.” Dan texts me good morning and good night, he tells me I look beautiful even when I beg to differ- he is the epitome of what every girl dreams of having in a relationship. If you asked me to describe the perfect guy, I would describe him.
Dan is “Mr. Right,” but he’s not right for me.
At first I didn’t understand this. Everything seemed perfect, just the way I always thought it would be, but something still felt off. Like a pit in the bottom of my stomach, I could sense that something just wasn’t right. For months, I figured it was just nerves or the butterflies and brushed it off. But as Spring turned to Summer and Summer to Fall, the feelings lingered on. Why did I feel this way? After failed relationships and waiting for the right guy to come along, I had found the elusive Mr. Right. I should have been ecstatic, annoyingly in love, but I wasn’t. The longer I ignored the pit in my stomach, the more it seemed to grow.
One day, after getting frustrated once again over why I still felt the way I did, I came to understand. Yes, Dan is “perfect.” Yes, he is kind and funny and supportive. Yes, he is the “ideal” guy. Yes, he is Mr. Right, but he’s not right for me.
Letting Dan go was not easy. I felt picky, selfish, and just plain stupid. But after the smoke began to settle, I felt a sense of relief. Like a ton of bricks lifted off my shoulders. For nearly a year, I had been facing an internal battle between what myself and society considered “Mr. Right,” and who was actually right for me. I was so caught up in trying to confirm the relationship with what I thought it should be that I was ignoring what I really wanted deep down.
If you have ever found yourself in this situation or maybe you are in this situation now, don’t ignore the pit in your stomach or the feeling that something just isn’t right. Trust your instincts and listen to what your heart is really telling you. Try to avoid getting caught up in the make-believe checklist that society has given us through movies, television shows, and the internet.
“Mr. Right” may not be right for you and that is 100% OK.
Your real “Mr. Right” may not fill all of the boxes on the checklist that society has created or that you imagined. That doesn’t make him any less than the “Mr. Right” you envisioned, though. In fact, he may seem even more “right.” Never feel guilty about having to make a hard decision that, in the long run, will make you happier. You are not obliged to stay with someone just because he appears to be perfect or because your friends and family adore him. Ultimately, it is you who has to face your feelings and you who is in the relationship with this person.
Practicing self-love and choosing to focus on your own happiness is never selfish or too picky and you should never let society’s expectations and fear of having to explain yourself to friends and family allow you to feel that way.
Be strong, listen to your heart, and follow your instincts. They will lead you to happiness and your real “Mr. Right.”
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